


All I Want For Christmas

by ChaosDragon (PlotWitch), PlotWitch



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 23:54:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14779673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlotWitch/pseuds/ChaosDragon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlotWitch/pseuds/PlotWitch
Summary: It's definitely Christmas in the Anitaverse and the boys are vying for her attentions. Much to their shock, she attempts to give the Christmas spirit to someone else, to someone who's never had a real Christmas. But when a new monster comes to town Anita makes a mistake that could kill someone...





	1. 0

"Help me."  
  
I pressed my hands against the wound in his side hard, trying to stop the bleeding. He didn't move, didn't even make a sound, though I knew it had to hurt badly. It was bad, I knew, for him not to truly feel the pain. And that thought scared me.  
  
"Help me!" This time it wasn't the panicked whisper it had been before, when I was in too much shock to realize what I'd done. This time, it was a scream. A scream that no one answered.  
  
"Somebody help me!"  
  
My voice was shrill and it echoed throughout the Circus. He was bleeding so much, so much. I knew that if I didn't stop it soon, he would die. My hands were slick with it, and the blood was black. Not just red, it was black. Black blood… I must have hit something important.  
  
I glanced up at a shadow that hung over my head, barely noticing that my cheeks were wet. Mistletoe. There was mistletoe hanging just above us. I bit back a laugh knowing that if it came it might not stop. The irony of it—Edward was lying under mistletoe. I shook my head to clear it. I had to help him.  
  
Because Edward was dying, and it was my fault.


	2. 1

All I could think of when I walked into my house was, oh God, it's only a week till Christmas. Please don't do this to me now. Nathaniel was sitting on my bed wearing nothing but a fuzzy red and white thong and a smile. A very big, very innocent smile, in only the way he could carry it off.

"Come sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want for Christmas," he purred at me.

It was all I could do to keep from laughing.

I rolled my eyes while I pulled the Firestar and its holster from the back of my jeans. "Nathaniel, get off my bed."

He pouted and slid fluidly off the bed all the while giving me a nice view of himself. He was still after me to be his top and not for the first time I regretted agreeing to let him stay at my house for the holidays. But Cherry had gone to visit someone in New Orleans and she didn't want to leave him alone in the apartment they now shared so they asked me.

A lot of things had happened since I'd gotten back from New Mexico earlier this year. I'd come back to a much more subdued Jean-Claude and Richard—apparently it took my running off and almost dying to get   
them to leave me alone. I'd also come back to find that Jason had gotten Cherry and Nathaniel set up in an apartment as far away from the Blood Quarter as he could get them and still afford it.

Jason and Cherry were also dating. Which shocked me to no end. Jason was also back in school full time and working at Guilty Pleasures as little as he could. All this with Jean-Claude's consent. Personally, I always thought that if Jason stood up for himself Jean-Claude would give way. Jason was most definitely alpha material; he just needed to realize it.

As I pulled off my shoulder holster and my blood stained shirt, Nathaniel must have realized that I meant business because he threw me another grin and walked down the hallway shimmying his butt for all he was worth, but not arguing. I continued to strip my clothes off.

It had been a rough night at work. I'd raised a 300-year-old corpse with a schizophrenic goat that wouldn't stand still no matter how many carrots I held out for it. In the end I'd only gotten about half the blood in the bowl, the rest on me. It hadn't made a good impression on the clients, but seeing the reanimated zombie looking like it was still alive had. I'd even managed to get Bert to let me come into work late.

I was just getting ready to hop in the shower when the phone rang. I ignored it and relaxed under the spray as it rang three more times and then my machine picked up. A second later, I heard Edward's voice come across the machine.

"Anita, this is the third time I've called. I know you're home. Call me. Now."

And then he hung up, no goodbye, no how was your day. But that was Edward, so why was I complaining? Dolph didn't say goodbye either. They must be working together.

My jaw clenched as I turned the water off and wrapped a big fuzzy towel around myself. Then I headed for the answering machine, whose red message light was blinking erratically telling me I had about a million messages.

Now I knew what it was I'd forgotten to do when I got home. Check the damned machine. I shrugged it off as a concession to the lack of sleep I'd subjected myself to for the last week and pressed the play button.

There were four messages from Ronnie, one asking me if I was going to the gym with her in the morning (I grimaced, it _was_ morning), the second saying she couldn't make it, the third saying she'd have to cancel lunch, and the fourth saying Louis had told her he had something really important to ask her and Ronnie squealing excitedly. Great, there's another wedding I'll be forced to attend.

There was a message from my father asking me if I was staying the night on Christmas Eve. Zerbrowski left a message saying he and Katie wanted me to stop by one night for dinner. A message each from Richard and Jean-Claude wanting to know who I was spending Christmas with.

I had bad news for them. I wasn't spending it with either of them. I was spending Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas day by myself relaxing, or probably just sleeping.

And mixed in with all these were two messages from Edward. That in itself was a shock. Normally he just left one and waited for me to call him. Or broke into my house to wait for me in person. He wasn't in the house, I knew that much. Which made me think that he wasn't in St. Louis yet. But if he _knew_ I was home then he had to be in the city and nearby.

He wanted me to call him; he had questions about some murders in the city. But there hadn't been any murders that I knew about. It had been a quiet holiday season so far. So I was concerned and very eager to call him back.

"What murders? No one's been murdered yet. Are you hunting someone? Are you hunting _me_?"

The last came out slightly higher than the rest and I swallowed trying to get myself under control.

Edward was quiet for a long moment and then he finally spoke. "You've been home for at least half an hour and you're just now checking your answering machine?" There was a dull edge of humor to it and I was struck by how tired Edward sounded.

I was also struck by how Edward seemed to know that. "Nathaniel!" I yelled, not caring if my voice echoed through the phone. While I waited for him to come running I asked Edward how he knew I'd been home for so long. But Edward wasn't there, just a dial tone.

And as Nathaniel strolled into the kitchen I had just enough time to grimace over his Christmas thong before there was a muffled click from the backdoor and it swung open to reveal Edward. I shook my head at his blank face and went to the counter to pour myself some coffee.

"I know you both knew the other knew you were here. Or something like that," I said, drinking. "Why didn't I know?"

Edward pasted a smile on his face, I think to keep from choking with laughter at Nathaniel, and Nathaniel out and out smirked.

"You never asked. So how was I supposed to know to tell you that Death was sitting in a car down the street watching the house?"

I lowered my coffee mug, ignoring the fact that it had little dancing penguins on it and would therefore lower the threat level in my glare. "You know Nathaniel, you just might be the first murder victim Edward has to talk to me about tonight."

His smile flickered a little but then was back as bright as ever. "I apologize, my queen."

Edward glanced at me with a raised yellow eyebrow. "'My queen'?"

I sighed. It was going to be a long night.


	3. 2

It was pretty hard to talk business while Nathaniel lounged in the kitchen wearing that thong. My eyes kept straying to him. It made me wonder exactly how much truth had been in Edward's theory of an ‘uncomplicated’ fuck. And it made me wonder who I could get to volunteer.

That in itself shocked the hell out of me.

Meanwhile, Edward was doing an admirable job of not laughing out loud, though I could see an odd twitch at the side of his mouth occasionally when I completely zoned out. But we managed.

“I’ve been tracking this particular shifter for about a year now. He’ll appear, kill, disappear. But I think I might actually get a chance to get him here,” Edward was saying.

I’d zoned out for a moment until Edward had said how long he’d been tracking this one. “A year, Edward? You’re losing your touch.” Yes, I was trying to piss him off. I was still pissed at him and Nathaniel.

But Edward didn’t rise to the bait. “This guy is different than any other shifter I’ve ever hunted. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s a he.”

That caught my attention completely. For one, Edward had cursed. He was frustrated. For another, Edward _never_ had so little about _anything_ he tracked. I stared at him, my mouth just kind of wide.

“You don’t know who it is at all?”

He shook his head. “No.”

And then he sighed, stretching his hands flat out on the table. “That’s why I need your help, Anita. I don’t know who it is because this guy can shift into anything. Anything at all.” He turned his hands over, palm up, outstretched. And entreaty.

“I need your help with this one.” He looked up, his blue eyes burning, and I just then noticed how tired he looked, the dark smudges under his eyes. “It’s personal.”

A chill raced up my spine and I barely noticed as Nathaniel slipped out of the room, almost as if he had another sense telling him to leave us alone.

“What happened, Edward?” I asked, and my voice was soft. Very soft, because I knew whatever he told me was going to be bad to hear, and probably worse for him to tell.

He closed his eyes for a long moment, and then his hands covered his face. “He, she… it! Whatever it is, it killed them.”

My breath caught. Them, he’d said. _Them_. He could only mean Donna and the kids.

“Oh, Edward, no. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t even know what to think.

I’d seen Edward once when his family had been threatened, and it was frightening. Now, hearing him say they were dead—murdered by something he was hunting… I felt awful for him. And I hate to say it, because of him.

It was heartless, cold, and so very selfish that I hated to think it, but I’d met them, known them. And now to think they were dead because of something he’d brought into their lives. Especially Becca and Peter.

They were only children. _Had_ been children.

And they’d been Edward’s family. Them and Donna. And now he didn’t have any family.

And so very close to Christmas. I may bitch and moan about my family, especially Judith. But they’re still family. _My_ family.

Edward’s eyes met mine and I could see the pain in his face. “I know I didn’t love Donna the way I should have, especially since I was marrying her. But I did love her. In my way. And the children.” His voice almost broke.

“Will you help me?” he asked quietly. And then, softer, so soft I almost didn’t hear it, “Please.”

And I looked him straight in the eye. “Yes.”

The smile he gave me was scary.


	4. 3

He talked about it, as much as he ever talks about anything. And then he smiled at me, a real smile, almost boyish.

“I got you a Christmas present.”

He disappeared for less than a minute, almost just walking out the back door and coming back in, with a long white box cradled in his arms. He handed it to me and I opened it.

It was a Mossberg 590A1 compact shotgun. With a cruiser grip, no less. Standard issue to undercover law enforcement. And needing a Class III license. Which I didn’t have. But then, I had a lot of things that weren’t licensed. Or even legal.

Underneath it were three boxes of ammo and a small card. I didn’t touch anything but the shotgun, lifting it out and testing the grip and weight. It wasn’t really heavy, and it was very comfortable in my hands. Which made me think that Edward had gotten a smaller grip than was normal with this type of weapon.

Edward took the box from my lap and sat it down on the table, his grin fading just a bit. “What do you think?”

I smiled at him, surprised by my childish enjoyment of a present. “Edward, this thing is great. I’m not even going to ask how you got it.” I almost laughed. “Is it even legal?”

And he did laugh. “Actually, it is. If you look in the top box of ammo, you even have a license for it. Merry Christmas, Anita.”

My smile widened. “Edward, thanks.” Then my smile faded. “But I didn’t get you anything.”

He shrugged, face blank once more. “No one ever does,” he replied. And I just stared.

“What?” he asked, looking confused. An expression, for once, and a bit surprised maybe. Over me being concerned that he’d never gotten a Christmas present.

I just shook my head. “It kind of sucks, is all,” I replied. “Giving presents and stuff, it’s the Christmas spirit.”

He raised one yellow eyebrow and I just plunged ahead with my opinion. Pushy, me? Not a chance.

“You obviously have some spirit, or you wouldn’t have said ‘merry Christmas,’ and I think that deserves something in turn.” I must have been possessed to be chatting with Edward, much less about Christmas.

Really possessed, since the next thing out of my mouth was, “You don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, do you, Edward? I guess that means I have to show you what it’s all about.”

And with that, my fate was sealed.

 

I insisted that Edward stay at my house, all in the Christmas spirit, you know. And then I went to bed. I have no idea what Edward and Nathaniel did while I was asleep but… for some reason Nathaniel didn’t seem as frightened of Edward when I woke up and emerged from my cave for my morning rush of caffeine.

That, and I kept getting odd glances from Edward. I would have asked why, but it was just too early. Of course, sometimes things are just explained anyway…

“So, _my queen_ ,” Edward said with a huge grin, “when will we be able to work on tracking this shifter?”

I shot a dirty glance at Nathaniel before replying, “I work today and tomorrow but none of my raisings is earlier than eight. So we can start now, and just have more time later.”

Edward nodded and slid a thick folder towards me. I opened it and began reading. By the time I was done, I could feel myself pale. There were pictures of the murders—all done by the same shifter, DNA evidence proved it. But there was no one to match the DNA sample to.

And the reports, dear God in heaven. No discrimination in victims. Young and old—infants as well as very elderly—and in between. No gender preference, no ethnic preference. The only thing linking any of them, besides the murder’s DNA was the fact that not a single victim had ever broken the law.

I guess that meant Edward and I were safe from harm.

I looked at Edward. “I have to do one of my raisings tonight, I’m the only one who can,” I said without modesty, false or otherwise. It was just a fact. “But that’s the only one I’m doing. We have to stop this guy.”

Edward nodded. “I’d hoped that was the response I’d get.”

I grinned at him, a chill running down my back. Spidey-sense, me? Oh yeah. “And here I thought you just dropped by for the company.”

Edward glanced at Nathaniel who was puttering around the stove in nothing but a very small, very sheer pair of biker shorts. “It was the coffee, Anita. Believe me.”

I managed not to laugh.


	5. 4

I used my police contacts to try and get something to go along with Edward’s information, but it was going to be at least half a day’s wait. So I wouldn’t be able to get it until after my raising that night.

Normally that would have bothered me but when I called Zerbrowski for help… let’s just say it was best to wait. Because if Dolph found out that I was working with ‘Ted Forrester’ on this, he wouldn’t be happy.

And he would probably slow the investigation down.

So as it was I spent part of the afternoon listening to Edward talk to his various contacts on the phone while I just sat around doing more mundane things. Edward thought it was funny that I was doing embroidery, but he didn’t say anything.

He’d long since learned that I don’t do anything without a reason. And this one was an interesting one. Marianne had suggested that I do this, the entire time visualizing myself putting each of those stitches into my mental tower to make it stronger. So now instead of one layer that could be easily broken, I had many, many layers that weren’t.

At least one of them was going well, because the scrap of cloth I was putting my stitches in looked… like a train wreck.

It was also surprising to hear Edward talking to people overseas in various languages. That in itself was enough of a distraction that my stitches looked like hell. So far I’d heard him in French, German, and at least two others I could only guess at. One was Russian, I think, and the other… I had no clue.

It was Asian, I know that much. But Chinese, Japanese… maybe Korean for all I knew. And they all sounded pretty as he spouted them off. I was surprised to find myself not even thinking of Jean-Claude as he rattled on for half an hour in French.

Progress at last. Especially since I still hadn’t called either him or Richard to say thanks, but no thanks. We may have been working together as a Triumvirate, but I had decided that the ‘us’ thing wasn’t going to work with either of them.

Yes, I loved them, but no, it wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t choose just one without hurting the other. With Richard… It would be disastrous if I chose Jean-Claude over him. Jean-Claude would probably take it much better, but I just couldn’t choose.

So instead I was going to make it work as the Triumvirate and nothing else. Close friends, friends I loved always. But nothing more. Not lovers, not significant others, and most definitely not as boyfriends. Besides, I had enough on my plate to convince Edward to go to dinner at Zerbrowski’s the next night. I’d tried to beg off but Katie had told him to tell me to bring my friend. That was a mouthful even for me.

Of course plans change.

By the time Edward had gotten off the phone from his last international call-no doubt creating a several hundred dollar phone bill for me-his face was pale and his eyes troubled. “Anita, we have a problem.”

And with that one small sentence my world was merrily turned upside down. Somewhere in Asia no less than fifteen different witnesses swore they had seen me murder a young Japanese couple in the middle of a street.


	6. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a gap of several years between the writing of the previous chapters, and this one. So fair warning, writing style changes abound. I like to think they improved.

I was prepared for the police when they showed up. Edward had warned me not to let them know I had any idea what they were talking about, if they had any clue they’d haul me to the station for questioning. Besides, it was pretty easy to act pissed when they showed up.

“Anita Blake?” they asked.

I just raised an eyebrow as I tried not to laugh at the young officer’s pompous tone. He must have been just out of the academy, he still had that new feeling, like a nice shiny penny before it’s been dropped and kicked and stepped on.

My eyebrows shot up further when Dolph stepped around the porch into my line of sight, almost smirking at the new kid. He nodded at me as he walked up the steps and pretty much shoved the kid out of the way. His face had his cop stare on and I was glad I was innocent.

“Anita, what have you been up to?” he asked, then his eyes slid past me to Edward.

I sighed and headed into the kitchen. I was going to need a lot more coffee to deal with the whole mess, not to mention Edward. I didn’t even want to explain that one to Dolph. Or anyone, for that matter. Especially since I’d put the boys on hold. I hadn’t been out on a date in almost three months, hadn’t done anything with them except stop by the Circus to say hi to the wolves and vampires I knew.

I hadn’t even offered to stop and see them while I was there, they had tracked me down.

“I swear, for once Dolph, I have done nothing.” I yanked a mug out of the cabinet and slammed it down on the counter, cursing when it shattered into pieces. I swiped the shards into the sink and grabbed another one, this time being more careful as I sat it down.

I added cream and sugar and passed it to Dolph. He took it, wrapping his hands around it and soaking in the warmth. It wasn’t below zero outside, but it was still cold. It was snowing, I realized as I looked at the now melting white flakes on his coat.

I forced my face into a semblance of cheer and held a hand out. “Let me take your coat and hang it up.” Dolph looked at me oddly and I added, a bit defensive, “That way it’ll be dry when you leave.”

He raised an eyebrow and handed it to me. I saw Edward out of the corner of my eye. He was trying to hide a grin behind his own coffee. I saw him smiling at me when he realized I was looking, and nearly walked into a wall as I headed to hang the jacket up near the back door.

Once that was done I picked my coffee back up and smiled at Dolph. “Well, this obviously isn’t a social call. What’s up?”

He glanced from me to Edward and then back again, seeming to not understand what he was seeing. For a moment I was confused myself, I didn’t know why he was so… Surprised. I knew that he didn’t like Ted, but I’d expected him to just start in on me. Instead he was just staring at us.

Then I looked at Edward and realized why.

He was dressed in old, very faded jeans, and a faded grey sweatshirt that looked wrinkled and unkempt, as if he’d just rolled out of bed. His feet were bare, his hair artfully messy, and if it had been anyone else I might have said he looked like sex. Or maybe sensuality, standing there with his tanned skin, so white teeth grinning at me, blond hair barely curling into his eyes.

That was bad enough, until I realized I looked pretty much the same, right down to jeans and a sweatshirt, though mine was red and new. I knew I hadn’t brushed my hair, there was not a trace of makeup on my skin, and my anger made my face slightly red, evincing a blush that I really didn’t feel.

Well, didn’t feel until it looked like Edward and I had just crawled out of bed together.

“You know Ted, don’t you, Dolph?” I asked as I fought to keep my tone even. “He’s visiting. And so are you, in a manner,” I added as I looked pointedly at the small huddle of uniformed officers in my living room. They had come inside and closed the door, but I could still feel the draft.

Dolph cleared his throat, “Where were you last week, Anita? Your boss said you were on vacation.”

I cursed silently under my breath. Damn Bert and his big mouth. I had taken four days, but I’d stayed at home with no alibi other than Nathaniel and I was so not opening him up to questioning from the police. I sat my mug down carefully.

“I was here, at home. Why?” I gave myself extra points for not shaking, even though I knew he was about to charge me with murder.

He sighed. “Dammit. I know you were home, the second we got wind of it I posted surveillance on your house.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Then why did you ask?” I saw Edward behind him, shifting subtly so that he could reach his gun easier from where it was tucked into the waist of his pants.

“Because the surveillance was illegal and I only knew because a friend of mine lives in Osaka.” Dolph rubbed his hand over his short hair and then over his eyes. Behind him, Edward was dropping his hand further, getting ready to pull his Beretta. I shook my head slightly as I looked back at Dolph.

“There are a lot of witnesses who say they saw you shoot and kill two people,” he said evenly, watching me carefully and sitting his coffee down on the counter next to mine. “Now, I know you weren’t there, and you know you weren’t there.” He glanced at the uniforms and then shrugged. “I was just hoping you had someone else who could alibi you without me putting my badge on the line.”

I sighed. “If you had me under surveillance you know that Nathaniel was here. But,” I said, and raised my hand to stop him from asking to talk to him. “Unless we absolutely have to, I’d rather Nathaniel not be subjected to questioning.”

I knew he understood that I meant interrogating, and he frowned. “I can’t promise that, Anita. I can’t even begin to think of how to arrange that.”

“He’s delicate, Dolph.”

“Oh,” Dolph said. “He’s the one who was—”

“Yeah,” I said tersely, cutting in before he could share Nathaniel's past with all present. “And I don’t think he’s up to dealing with cops who’re looking to bust my alibi.”

“Ah, I think that I’d agree with you, but…” Dolph trailed off, and i realized that my assumption was correct as he looked at me with pleading eyes. Dolph, unlike most of the humans in my life understood that I had a responsibility to my people. One that I took seriously, and one that went beyond my normal issues of protecting the innocent.

No, Dolph understood that there were real ties that allowed me to block him from Nathaniel, and that even if I were removed from the picture Nathaniel would follow my instructions and say nothing. He’d rather die than disobey me. Of course, given his predilection for pain, he might enjoy being killed. At least up to a point.

I shrugged. “I can’t, Dolph.”

There was the sound of fabric rustling behind me, and then Edward was standing behind me, very close, and I tensed. Not that I was afraid he’d hurt me, or even think of it. At least while people were present. Especially cops. But it’d been a while since an attractive male had been this close to me, and human no less. And I was feeling the lack.

“What if I alibi her?” he asked, and I turned to look at him, disbelief bright on my face.

Dolph grunted. “You’d be lying, and I’d have to arrest you for obstructing justice.”

“Mmm,” was Edward’s response. Then, “Silver Corolla, seven times between eleven and three last Wednesday.”

My jaw dropped. Dolph’s eyes flickered, and then his jaw dropped. And I gasped out, “Stalker, much?”

Edward chuckled and shrugged. “What can I say?”

Dolph recovered quickly and, with no little humor, said, “You do realize that there are stalker laws in this state, right?”

“Oh please,” I groaned, picking my coffee up and sliding past both of them and to the other side of the room, where I leaned against the wall and drank deeply. “This is too much.”

“Technically, I’m supposed to arrest him now, Anita. He’s admitted to it.”

“He didn’t,” I shot at him.

Dolph raised an eyebrow. “Well, he didn’t deny it.”

I glanced at Edward and he smiled serenely at me. Bastard. He was probably going to let me figure out how to save his ass. Oh. Yeah, he was, and I could tell it as he read my expression and knew I’d come up with a way. And one I didn’t particularly like. Fuck.

“Ah, Dolph,” I said quietly, and still trying to figure out how to put it without sounding as promiscuous as I was sure i looked most times. Even if it was only Richard and Jean-Claude. “It’s not stalking if I’m seeing him.”

Yeah. Edward had figured out what I was going to pull, because his smile only widened. And Dolph's jaw dropped. Again. Lower this time, too. I ground my teeth and tried to ignore the snickering from the uniform’s in the hall. They were getting a kick out of this, and I was beginning to lose my Christmas spirit. Fuckers. All of them. And Edward most of all.

And there’s a mental image I could have lived without. I nearly choked on my coffee as I tried to drain the mug in one long swallow, and when I could breathe again I glared at Edward, and then glanced at Dolph, who was still looking rather less than pleased.

“You’re dating him?” Dolph asked. It was my turn to make a general noise of assent, and I did so. “How long, Anita?”

Now there was a complicated question. I glanced over at Edward, my eyes locking on his bright blue ones, and the humor I found there taking root in me as I found the way to tell Dolph the truth without lying. “Off and on for about seven years.”

There was a choking noise, but this time it was from Edward, and I laughed. “That cat’s out of the bag, honey,” I muttered with exasperation.

And that was all it took have Dolph cracking up, and again I was dumbfounded. “What’s so funny?” I asked as I went to the sink and rinsed my mug out. The irritation was plain, and I couldn’t’ understand what had Dolph so amused about the whole situation.

“You, dating him, and the other two not knowing about it,” Dolph managed between great whopping gales of laughter.

I glared at Edward behind Dolph's back. “So glad to provide entertainment. If you’ve had enough to alibi me, why don’t you go back to the station and try and figure out who actually killed them, since it wasn’t me?”

“Anita, I’m sorry,” Dolph said abruptly, still trying not to laugh, and barely managing it. “But you have to admit, the way Richard and Jean-Claude paraded you about, and then to brush them both aside for him,” he jabbed a thumb in Edward’s direction.

Well, in that light, it was kind of funny. Especially if you thought it was true, and then compared Edward to Jean-Claude, with his centuries of sexual prowess and nearly impossible looks. I cracked a grin. “Okay, I admit, it is funny. A little. But I meant it,” I said, my tone altering to serious. “If I didn’t kill those people, who did? Because the last time I checked, I don’t have any identical twins out there. Or any full siblings at all.”

Edward agreed, saying, “And both of her siblings are complete physical opposites, so it’s unlikely that one of them could impersonate her.”

“Especially Josh,” I added dryly. “Seeing as how Josh is male and all.”

I took Dolph’s mug as he moved to leave, dropping it in the sink as Edward walked with Dolph to the door, the two uniforms following like trained monkeys. Especially the young one, and I shot daggers at him. I saw a flush rise up the back of his neck, and he looked away. And then I shot daggers at Dolph, who was talking to Edward.

That was a first. I would have thought he _hated_ Edward.

I took Dolph's coat back out of the closet and noted that it was very nearly dry, and handed it to Dolph. He put it on, flicking his fingers at the two uniforms and they headed out the door and to the squad car. “Look, Anita. I’m sorry about all of this, but you can see what it looked like.”

“Yeah,” I muttered as I walked him down the front step.

“And I’ll quit giving you a hard time about Forrester,” he tossed out, and I frowned at him.

“What do you have against him, anyway?” I asked.

Dolph shrugged, as much to get his coat settled on his broad shoulders as in answer to my question. “I know you call him by a different name. One that isn’t on his identification. And I only ever see him with you when you’re in serious shit.”

“He looks out for me,” I said softly, glancing back at Edward where he stood in the doorway.

“I’ve noticed,” he said in an odd tone. “I’ll quit giving you a hard time, and him, too. If you’ve picked him, he can’t be that bad.”

“I picked Richard and Jean-Claude,” I pointed out.

“Jean-Claude had his eyes on you from the first time he met you, and I know about Richard.” That tone made me look up in surprise. “It doesn’t go further than me, I swear. I only know because of his position,” and the delicate way he said that made me understand he meant it when he said it went no further than him. “But he wasn’t up front with you, and I don’t really think you picked him, Anita.”

“Enlighten me, then.”

“You picked the idea. Nice, normal human man who was attractive, available and interested.”

I flushed, and looked down. “Yeah, well. Go catch this one, Dolph. For me.”

Then I turned around and headed back up the stairs, to Edward and the warmth of my house. I dint’ turn around to see if Edward followed me in, or check and make sure Dolph took his rookie and left. I just went right inside and stood in the living room, hands on the back of the couch, trying to pretend that none of what had just happened had really happened.

“They’re gone, _honeypot_ ,” Edward shot at me amusedly. “I’m impressed. You managed to lie to him without actually telling one.”

“Oh, shut up you stalker,” I hissed and stalked down the hallway and into my bedroom, slamming the door loudly behind me. It was just my luck. Well, at least I’d impressed Edward.


	7. 6

I avoided Edward for the rest of the afternoon and only glared at him as I headed out to the raisings I was scheduled for. I was leaving early. Way early, but I’m sure he understood. And if he didn’t, well he could go straight to hell. In a gilded carriage. With purple cushions. Stupid male, I thought as I pulled in at the office, fully intent on heading upstairs and hiding in my office until it was time for me to get to the cemetery.

Unfortunately, Bert was still there. And even worse, he was happy to see me. I sighed. This day was going downhill.

“Anita,” he called to me, waving a thick sheaf of papers at me. “Just the person I need to see.”

“What do you need now?” I asked without preamble. Or courtesy, really.

“I got three requests in for raisings, and you’re the only one who can do them.” I narrowed my eyes at him, and he shoved the papers at me. It was a pack of old newspaper clippings, and as I looked through them I realized they were from a triple homicide nearly two hundred years before.

“Why are the police trying to solve this one _now_?” I asked, handing him the papers back.

He shrugged. “They think it was something with occult connections. Like that demon problem you had a few years ago. They think someone is calling it p again, and the detective witch,” and by that I knew he meant Tammy, “thinks that if they can get straight info out of these victims, they can find to which demon it is and block the caster from raising him.”

“And they plan to keep the caster from finding a new demon how?” I asked, annoyed.

Bert raised an eyebrow. “I don’t have a clue, Anita. But the city wants these people raised, so I thought you might unbend enough to actually do your job without bitching.”

I rolled my eyes at Bert. “First off, Bert, I never said I wouldn’t. Secondly, you may be my boss, but that’s only because I don’t care to run my own business.”

I could see from his face that he understood that particular threat, and then I felt immediately horrible for having said that, and even being bitchy to him when I didn’t really feel like it. Edward. It was all his fault. Him and his goddamned honeypot. Mentally I was throttling the life out of him. Physically I was trying not to vomit as I apologized to Bert.

“Look, I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m just having a bad day. I’ll do the raisings. But I can’t do them all in one shot. I’ll do one a night for the next three, otherwise you lose out on the people who pay better than the city.”

Bert nodded, looking decidedly odd himself, and I realized that I’d never apologized to Bert before, even if I had been rude to him. I made a mental note to add being more nice to my New Year’s resolutions. It couldn’t hurt.

“That’s all I asked, Anita. Thank you,” he said and turned and walked off.

I still felt rather odd, and I decided it was because I was tired, hungry and pissy at Edward. I turned around and dug out my cell phone—an early Christmas present from the pard, and dialed Dolph’s. He answered on the second ring and I smiled at his terse voice.

“It’s Anita,” I said. “I got the request from Bert. I can do them, but I can’t do them all at once and still maintain my paying customers.”

I heard him snort. “We’re paying you, Anita. And the going rate, too.”

I laughed. “You aren’t paying me a couple hundred thousand to raise your great aunt tiffany this close to Christmas to find out where her precious heirloom service is, now are you?”

Dolph laughed loudly, and I smiled at it. “The sad thing is, I know you aren’t joking. You really aren’t, and there are people pitiful enough to actually do that.”

I shrugged as I got back in my Jeep and turned it on, steering carefully out into the meager traffic as I looked for something to eat. “I can do one tonight after my last raising.”

“And when would that be?” Dolph asked.

I sighed. “The last scheduled one is at four.”

I could almost see him as he made a harrumphing noise. “Bert’s overworking you again, isn’t’ he?”

“No,” I replied as I decided on McDonald’s and pulled into their drive thru. “Just at separate cemeteries, so there’s driving involved. Meet me at Madison Arnold’s grave at four-thirty. I’ll raise her first, okay?”

I was rolling down my window when he agreed, and we hung up without saying goodbye. I sighed. Dolph had really rubbed off on me. I ordered food, much of it, and tossed two of the three bags into the passenger seat for later while I picked at the fries and cheeseburgers in the one I had held on to.

I ate as I headed toward our supply warehouse. It was a recent addition and pretty much was a glorified herb closet and stable. I say stable and not henhouse because Bert had taken to keeping goats on hand instead of making us get our own. We had a janitor slash stable boy who hit the warehouse twice daily for a generous amount just to clean up and feed the animals. I thought it was kind of cruel, but I figured there wasn’t much difference in this than me buying a cute little goat from a farm and slitting its throat.

At least I knew for damned sure they were treated well.

I used my pass card to open the gate and backed up to the trailer bay and popped the rear door open, letting it rise up hydraulically before heading inside, swiping my card again and grabbing a crate for the chickens and a lead line for the goat I would need. I grabbed three chickens and stuffed them in the crate, then stowed them in the backseat before heading back to lead a goat to the cargo area of the Jeep.

When I was done I closed everything up and drove back out, heading for the first cemetery. I finished my fries while I waited and when I saw a small procession of cars headed in climbed out into the cold and snow and brought out the crate of chickens. I had it dumped by the grave and was getting my zombie bag when they pulled up.

I snickered at the distaste on every single one of their faces as they smelled my chickens.

And so the scene was set for the rest of the night. Nobody who got a chicken liked them, and the ones who only had me were even more disgusted. At least they didn’t see the goat curled up in the back of my Jeep. They’d have been really sick then, knowing that he was going the way of my machete.

Suffice to say that by the time I got home I was covered in blood, mine, chicken and goat, and I was more than ready for a shower and some sleep. I wasn’t mad at Edward anymore. I was too tired to be mad, but we’d see how I felt after a couple of hours of sleep. I had no intentions of getting up before two, at least. Especially since it had been after six when I’d finally gotten myself cleaned off and huddled up in bed.

Which would explain why, when I was woke up just shy of nine, I had absolutely no problem going straight for the Browning and pressing it tightly to a blank faced Edward’s head.

I blinked at him, almost not sure what I was doing, and really not sure if I cared, but more than happy to kill him if it got me a few more hours. And if it didn’t, well, I was certain to languish in lock up for hours while I was processed for his murder, and I could sleep there.

“What d’you want, Edward?” I asked him, hating how not alert I sounded. He’d probably think that my sleep blurred voice indicated I was going only on instinct.

He smiled at me and I felt a glare rising. “You wouldn’t shoot me just for waking you up, would you Anita?” I frowned. “Okay, maybe you would,” he said easily as I didn’t move a muscle. “There’s been a sighting. I confirmed it.”

I sighed, but back the sarcasm and shoved Edward away from me so that I could crawl out form the bed. “How can it be confirmed if no one knows what this thing looks like?” I asked as I set the Browning down and went to my dresser, digging out jeans and a sweater.

I turned back to his stony silence and a look of anguish on his face. “Edward, what happened? What is it?” I asked, trying not sound too concerned. But very concerned nonetheless.

“Someone saw Donna. Since she’s dead, it had to be the shifter,” he said, his voice more cold than ice, and I shivered at the look on his face.

“Oh,” I said in a small voice. “Edward, I really am sorry…”

He shrugged. “It’s alright, Anita. It’s not your fault. You warned me, anyway.”

“But you loved her. You loved them.”

A wry smile slipped across his face and he looked at me. “You’re thinking of romantic love, Anita.” He shook his head. “What I felt for Donna was far from romantic. The kids, that was a normal thing. I wasn’t in love with Donna. But it’s my fault they’re dead.”

I looked down at the clothes bundled in my hands. “How do you know?”

He was silent for a long time and I finally looked back up at him. He was wearing the oddest expression, and I almost wanted to say it was longing, or maybe desire. “Because I’m in love with someone else. You’d better get dressed, Anita. We have some hunting to do.”

 

I’d mulled over what he’d said as I dressed, and then drank two cups of Nathaniel’s coffee before following Edward out the door. I’d thought we’d take my Jeep, but Edward shook his head and indicated his rental. So I followed him and settled myself in as he turned the car on and put it in gear.

“You know, you’re the only person I’ve ever trusted to drive me around,” I said as I watched the passing scenery.

“I’m flattered,” was all he said.

I tried a few more times to draw him into conversation, even trying to ask him about Christmas traditions and what he wanted. He laughed that question off, and only continued to drive. So I let him ignore me and thought about who Edward might be in love with.

It was a difficult thing to ask myself. I was the only female that I knew who really knew him.

The thought made me raise an eyebrow at myself considering, but I snorted as I tossed that possibility out the window. Edward was an attractive man, and if he’d asked nicely I might have considered going to with him. Once. But he’d made himself clear on how he felt about me in Santa Fe. So I resolutely shoved any of my curiosities away.

I know I drifted back to sleep while he drove. I half woke many times as Edward stopped and the slamming of the door jarred my rest. But he always let me drift back to sleep. I finally became coherent early in the afternoon when he actually turned the car off and the gentle hum of the engine and faint sounds of the radio cut out.

I cracked my eyes open at the sun and saw that we were in a parking lot at a seafood restaurant. I yawned, sat up and stretched, and turned to Edward. “You let me sleep. What’re we doing?”

He smiled, and I smiled back as I realized it was a very real smile. “We’re eating.”

“Here?” I asked as I got out of the car. He looked at me from across the top of the roof and nodded.

“Here. We’re meeting your friend, Lieutenant Storr. To exchange information.” His smile turned wicked. “Since we’re seeing each other, I figured an actual restaurant would be appropriate.”

I sighed as I leaned against the car, letting my forehead dip to the cold metal. It felt like ice against my skin and I shivered. Then I felt something warm go around my shoulders, and I realized it was Edward’s arm. I looked up at him and he was smiling, one yellow eyebrow raised and he tugged me against his side.

“You’re insane,” I muttered as I pulled away.

“Ah, ah, Anita,” he said. “Happy couple, remember?”

“Fucking stalking pervert,” I answered as I let him catch my hand with his, holding on to it with a death grip as we walked into the restaurant. I let my eyes slip over the dining room and saw Dolph and gave him a little wave.

I squeezed harder at Edward’s hand, letting my nails dig in ever so slightly, and dragged him to where Dolph was sitting. I slid into the booth across from Dolph and managed to keep a blank face as Edward slid in next to me, not letting go of my hand for even a moment.

Dolph watched us and then finally cracked a smile at me. “You look like you just woke up. Your boyfriend was telling me you two had been across the length and breadth of the city this morning looking for leads.”

I shrugged. “I slept in the car. Still sleepy,” I muttered as I glanced at Edward. “Did we find anything out?”

Edward started to talk as I picked up a menu. I listened with half an ear, mostly tuning it out as I figured out what to order. Beyond the first few sentences I knew I wasn’t needed. Edward had found next to nothing, and I’d ordered my food and eaten half of my salad before my ears twitched and I focused back in on the conversation.

“It’s focusing on me. I think I might be able to draw it out, lure it to a trap,” Edward was saying. “It’s looking for revenge right now, I think. Or at least only wanting me off of its back.”

“Why does it want revenge?” I asked, food forgotten and lettuce hanging limp from my fork.

Edward shot me a tight lipped smile. “I’ve been hunting it for a long time. I’ve gotten closer ot it than it likes. So it wants me gone. But it knows it made a mistake when it killed Donna and the kids. It knows I want it dead now, not just for the bounty, but for me.”

“Ah.”

I went back to ignoring Edward and Dolph and finished my salad before leaning back and letting my mind wander. And wander it did, right back into sleep, and I realized I must have been more tired than I’d thought as I woke up for the third time that day. Only this time, instead of having my face huddled against a car seat or buried in a pillow, it was snuggled into soft gray wool.

I could feel the faint thump of a heartbeat under my ear and I opened my eyes a crack, trying to figure out where I was and who I was sleeping with. Or on, I realized as I saw Dolph staring at me from across the now empty table. All that was left were some half drunk sodas and a handful of mints next to a slip of paper that had to be the receipt.

I sat up slowly, trying desperately not to blush, and knowing I failed miserably as I felt the heat rushing up my neck and into my face. I glanced up at Edward who was watching me with a gentle looking smile on his face. “I fell asleep,” I said, trying to not sound like an idiot.

Edward didn’t say anything, but Dolph was still watching. “I’ve never seen you do that before, Anita.”

I laughed a little. “Everyone sleeps, Dolph.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ve never seen you so comfortable with anyone else before. Not even…” He trailed off not caring to mention either of the boys in front of Edward. A wise move, I figured.

“Yeah, well…” I couldn’t think of anything to say so I just shrugged. “Did you two come up with anything?”

They both shook their heads, and Edward said, “We have to do some more recon, then we’ll figure something out.”

“Back to driving all over the city?”

“At least until you have to go to work,” he said as he slid out of the booth, holding a hand out to me.

I took it without thinking, letting him tug me out and close to his side. Glancing back at Dolph I saw an odd expression on his face. “Did the raising last night help?”

He shook his head. “We’ll need to keep on.”

“Ah,” I said. “I’ll call you later to schedule it,” I said, then tossed a smile at him as I let Edward tuck me under his arm and followed him into the sunlight.


	8. 7

The afternoon had been weird, the evening until I went to work weirder still, and weirdest yet the way I was arriving at home. The sun was up and shining, and Zerbrowski was dropping me off. In his pajamas. I mean, _I_ was in his pajamas. My night had not been fun.

Since Zerbrowski insisted on walking me up to my door I was more than a little annoyed. “How much trouble can I get in from your car to my door?” I asked him as we walked, him whistling and just smiling, and me digging around in the bag the hospital had given me for my personal belongings.

Everything was in it, from what was left of my clothes, to the Browning, which I had just been lazy about putting back on. Of course, it could also have been because I didn’t have any more bullets in it, and it would have been silly to walk around wearing an unloaded gun. But currently I was looking for my keys. My keys, my keys, my glorious keys which would let me into the damned house and let me have a proper shower.

The blood in my hair was driving me crazy with the itching.

We were at the door and I was still keyless and digging when it swung inward suddenly and a very shocked Zerbrowski gave out a startled yelp. I looked up to find a very shifted wereleopard creeping out the door and a very angry Edward heading through the door behind him, a gun in one hand and, I swear I tried not to laugh, a chewed up leather binder in the other.

Edward blinked and Zerbrowski still gaped, and I just cracked up. Then the leopard, whom I knew to be Nathaniel, was rubbing himself against my legs and making me pitch forward into Edward. I felt Zerbrowski’s fingers tighten on my arm for a second before I gasped, “Let go,” and then Edward’s arms were around me.

“Anita, I’m so sorry,” Zerbrowski babbled as he pushed my sleeve up to reveal a neat semi circle of stitches there.

Edward’s fingers were careful as he lifted my wrist to look at it, and his eyes were very blue as he asked, “What happened?”

I started laughing again, and Zerbrowski joined in. “A schizophrenic goat, a machete, and a very enthusiastic zombie?” I said, hoping he wouldn’t want details.

“You have the strangest life of anyone I know,” he said, and then he lowered his gaze to glare at Nathaniel. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. I know where your video collection is.”

“What’d he do?” I asked as Zerbrowski handed me the bag that I had dropped. Edward only dangled the mauled binder in front of me with a sour look on his face. “Oh,” I said.

I smiled and looked over at Zerbrowski, saying, “Thanks for the ride. They’ll drop my Jeep off before I have to be to work, right?”

“No problem,” he said as he gave Edward an intensive cop once over. “So you’re the one Dolph vetted to take Anita out?”

“Oh my God,” I breathed as I saw Edward’s annoyance shift to surprise. I groaned. “It’s so not your business, Zerbrowski.”

“Is too,” he shot back. “Katie wants details.”

“How does Katie know?” I asked dryly, trying not to piece together situations in my head.

I got a cryptic smile as he said, “Well, when one of our favorite colleague’s has a stalker…”

“Oh, God,” I muttered again, and shoved Zerbrowski towards his car. “Okay, alright, go home. Thanks for the ride; I’ll see you sometime next year when I’m no longer the talk of the station.”

He protested and I glared, and then he gave in with a smile. “I’ll find out everything, Anita. You know I will because you’re coming to dinner after Christmas.”

“Fine,” I said shortly.

“And you’re bringing him.” He held up his hands in a defensive posture as I opened my mouth to yell at him. “Katie wants you to bring him. I do what Katie says, so don’t get mad at me.”

“You can all go to hell,” I said clearly as I turned and stalked back to the blond assassin and the wereleopard on my front porch. “Every last one of you,” I said for good measure as I walked past them and headed straight for my shower.

I was actually in the shower in the middle of working conditioner into my hair when Edward’s voice cut through the hiss of the water. “So how bad is it?” he asked calmly, smoothly, as if I wasn’t naked behind a flimsy little curtain less than four feet away from him.

Closer, if how close he sounded was telling the truth.

“Get out,” I screeched at him.

“Anita.”

“Out!”

“Not going out until you tell me what happened.”

“I told you, Edward,” I said desperately. “I’m fine, you should go out until I’m done. And dressed. Now.”

There was silence and I heard a creak like the door had opened. I knew better. I really did, and I blame fatigue. I didn’t look and check, I only breathed a sigh of relief and rinsed my hair under the cooling water. Then I reached a hand out, grabbed my towel, wrapped it around myself and flung the curtain back expecting to see an empty bathroom.

It wasn’t, and I screamed.

“I told you to get out!” I yelled as I held the towel a little tighter around me.

“And I asked you how bad it was,” was all he said as he took a step forward and tugged me out of the tub, turning me around to inspect the stitches that trailed up my arm and across my shoulder to my back. They were healing well, and I told him so, trying to tug away from him. His fingers made me shiver where they traced the clean lines of stitching, and after a moment he let me slip away.

“It was an accident. Stupid, really, but I’m fine,” I muttered as I grabbed another towel from under the sink and wrapped it around my shoulders. “See? It doesn’t even hurt. Much,” I added as an afterthought as he raised an eyebrow at me.

“What happened?” he asked, opening the bathroom door and let the steam wreathed air slip out past us.

“Can’t we talk about this after I get dressed?”

He shook his head. “I want to know now.” The way he said it, the way he looked at me, was very proprietary, and I bit back the sarcasm that wanted to rise up and tell him off. If he was overprotective I knew why. He didn’t want to lose anyone else that mattered to him, and I made him an allowance for it.

“I raised the zombie for the police department. It was eventful.” He gazed at me, curious, and I sighed. “The goat didn’t want to sit still, and when I went to slit its throat it… umm, it got away. Sort of.”

“Sort of?” he asked. “This is definitely going to make up for the cat, isn’t it?”

“What was the big deal about the folder?” I asked. “I can get you a new one if that’s all it is.”

“It’s just the fact that it’s mine,” he said with a smile. “And nice try Anita, but you’re not done.”

I smiled at him. “Can’t blame me for trying, huh? I’d sliced halfway through its neck when it got away. So my clothes are a lost cause, and that’s why I was covered in blood.”

“Right. Sure. The stitches are because?”

“It knocked me down while it was running around,” I said quickly, looking anywhere but him as the heat flooded my face. “I fell on the machete.”

“And your arm?”

“The zombie got a little overzealous.”

“You do have a strange little life, don’t you?” he asked as he stepped closer to me, a finger trailing carefully across the stitches in my forearm. “Be more careful, alright?”

I looked up at him, confused. He was acting so strange, even knowing everything that I did. I only nodded. “I will be. I promise. How much sleep can I get before we have to go back out?”

He laughed and moved away from me, heading for the door of my bedroom. “You can sleep all day if you want. I’ve got a lead I’m going to track down.”

“You don’t need my help?” I asked, torn between relief and guilt.

He quirked a smile at me. “I’m better at this part than you. All I need is you at my back when I go after him.”

I smiled a little. “You’ve always got me at your back.” I glanced at my bed then, it looked so inviting. “But if you don’t mind, I think I need some sleep.”

 

I woke to the incessant beeping of my alarm, and cursed as I read its annoying hands as they proclaimed it to be three o’clock in the afternoon. I was stiff where the stitches were, but they didn’t really hurt at all anymore. Just kind of itched, but that would die down before the night was over. Sometimes it paid to have a working triumvirate; I’d be able to have the stitches out the next morning.

Btu until then I was going to go shopping. I had two more things to get, and the headache of trying to find something for Edward. That one was going to be hard. Harder than I realized as I headed out to face what was left of the day and found Edward lounging at the kitchen table and reading the newspaper. And drinking coffee.

I licked my lips and sighed happily as I made a beeline for the coffeepot, pouring myself a mug and wallowing in the mellow, almost bitter taste of fresh ground java. “I love you,” I said happily as I took another mouthful of coffee. “I really love you.”

I heard the rustle of the newspaper and I swear I heard a sonic boom as Edward’s head whipped around to look at me, the most astonished look on his face. “Anita… Are you feeling alright?”

I laughed as I slid into one of the vacant chairs and continued worshiping the coffee. “I’m fine. I was talking to the coffee.”

“Oh,” he said, and I smiled at him mischievously.

“I can love you, too, if you want. After all, you did make the coffee,” I said as I took another sip, watching Edward with merrily dancing eyes.

He made a noise, then another, then coughed and went back to the newspaper, making sure he held it up between both of us so I couldn’t see his face. I snickered and put m y mug down, then reached a hand forward and pushed the paper down, crumpling it as it went and enjoying the little bit of power I had over Edward right then.

“Somebody’s embarrassed?” I asked with a grin, and he shot me nearly blank face.

“You have issues.”

“Um hm,” I agreed. “Anybody who’s going shopping three days before Christmas has to be certifiable. And yet I am,” I mused as I snatched the paper from his still hands and flipped through it for a moment.

“Ooh. Sales ads,” I said with a delighted smile. “I love sales at Christmas. Now all I have to do is figure out what to get Judith and Josh. And you,” I said with a quick glance up to his face.

His eyes flickered for a moment, but then whatever it had been was gone. I sighed. Okay, finding him something good was going to be hard. He smiled then, very suddenly, and I was struck again by how attractive he could be when I wasn’t thinking of him as Edward. Just Edward, a friend… And then I very suddenly had a flash of realization as he smiled at me at my kitchen table over coffee and the newspaper.

This was a very good thing, and not something I would necessarily want to avoid for the rest of my life.

Especially if it was with Edward.

That thought had me going pale and Edward was very suddenly leaning towards me, a hand going on my arm, careful not to touch the stitches. “Are you okay?” he asked, concerned.

It really wasn’t a bad thing once the shock had passed. It really wasn’t. I shook my head at him. “Just thought of the crowds. It’s not going to be really fun.”

He smiled again, and I bit my lip against the sudden flash of want that coursed through me. “You want me to go with you? I can be your designated pack mule.”

“Yeah,” I said softly. “I’d like that.”

And that was how I wound up in the middle of a very, very packed mall with Edward trailing me like a bloodhound. More than half the time I was in varying stages of red because for some reason he found it necessary to keep a hand on me. Okay, so maybe it _was_ necessary. The crowds were brutal, and Edward actually was doing a brilliant job of keeping me out of the thick of it.

He was very considerate of me, and I knew it was because he was concerned about the stitches. There was no way he could know how quickly I was healing, and that unless I was actually trampled there was no danger of them being pulled or ripped. No, the skin had knit fairly well already, and the only reason they remained was so everything underneath cold heal a bit more.

As it was, I’d most likely be taking them out myself.

“We’ve been in almost every store here,” he finally said as we were making another pass down towards the pet store and the JC Penny’s. “What, exactly, is the problem with any one of the thousands of things you’ve looked at?”

Okay, so maybe his consideration was hitting a limit. Or maybe he was trying to figure out what my problem was. I shrugged. “I have absolutely no idea what to get either of them.”

He looked at me askance. “Your brother and step mom, right?”

I nodded.

“Computer store for your brother. Get him a game. Hell, you have the money; get him a whole new system,” he said as he turned us around and headed back to one of the many electronics stores in the mall.

Well, one down, I thought objectively. “What about Judith? Any brilliant ideas for her?”

“You don’t like her very much, do you?” he asked as he cut through a couple of teenagers who were heading for the food court.

“We don’t really get along,” was all I said. Anything more would have killed my Christmas spirit.

“Jewelry,” he finally decided after I’d gone ahead and picked out a top of the line computer and paid for it. Okay, Edward picked it out. I was still working out of the _Computers for Dummies_ books, so I let him have free reign since I knew nothing. All I’d done was hand over a credit card and sign a receipt. Edward had even filled out the bill of lading, so I didn’t have to worry about that either.

Though how he knew Josh’s address was something I’d be discussing with him at a later date.

I grunted and he glanced back at me, one hand reaching for mine and he dragged me up so that I was even with him as he moved through the crowd smoothly. “I repeat, you have the money. Get her something that’ll make her eyes fall out, and I guarantee you there will be less friction.”

I grunted again. “Just ask Dr. Edward, right?” I said as he dragged me into a jewelry store, and my eyes were filled with all tings expensive and glittering. And on top of that, he hadn’t let go of my hand yet. It was very warm in mine, and I resisted the urge to squeeze it or thread my fingers through his.

Maybe if I just got laid, I’d quit thinking about Edward like that. But somehow I didn’t think that would work. And then I quit thinking as my eye was caught by a very large, very sparkly diamond set in one of the windows. The price tag was painful, but I sure as hell wasn’t looking at it for Judith.

“When I said to make her eyes fall out I was thinking of rubies. Maybe emeralds,” I heard him say from beside me as my own eyes plopped out in the middle of the store.

“Yep,” I said. “And if I were going to buy this, I’d be the one wearing it. It was gorgeous. The necklace was a thick collar of diamonds in varying sizes, and there was a matching bracelet to go with it, as well as a pair of earrings that would probably have made my ears join my eyes on the floor. There was a ring, too, but it was listed as separate from the set, and I whistled at the price on it. The ring was worth nearly as much as the whole kit and caboodle for the other, but it was something.

“You can afford it,” Edward said, and I glanced over at him, a weird little smirk on my face.

“I can,” I said evenly. “But if I’m going to be wearing diamonds, I’d rather have a man buy them for me.” Then I colored. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” I said quickly. “You don’t have to buy me diamonds. I actually rather kind of like what you got me,” I babbled on as I dragged him away from the diamonds and toward the things that sparkled in other colors.

“Speaking of, what do you want for Christmas?” I asked as I began looking at the baubles under the glass.

“You could get them for yourself,” he said again, and I looked back up at him just in time to see him shrug. “I don’t really want anything.”

“Of course you do,” I said as I resumed my shopping. “I’d offer to arrange for you to hunt someone, but currently I don’t know of anything deserving of it that you’re not already hunting.”

He laughed a little. “Don’t worry about it, Anita.”

“I have to,” I said as I moved around to a different display. They were all nice, but somehow I didn’t think Judith would truly appreciate the cold elegance of sapphires and emeralds. No, she needed color. She needed rubies; Edward was right about that suggestion, too. “You got me something, so I want to get you something.”

“You smiled, Anita,” he said quietly and slipped his hand out of mine. He shoved his hands into his pockets and I looked back at him questioningly. “You liked what I got you. You smiled. That was enough for me.”

I smiled again at him. “You can be really sweet, you know that?” He shrugged, and then I saw his eyes move to the side and turned to see what he was looking at. “Oh, that’s it,” I breathed.

“Excellent taste,” he said as I stared at the ring. It was a deep red ruby set in gold. A cabochon cut at five and a half carats, surrounded with dozens of tiny little brilliant diamonds. And priced at just over eight grand.

So not a problem.

Within minutes I had a sales man fawning over me and deferring to Edward as he made sure the ring was sized immediately, and a little more than half an hour I was walking out of the store with a very expensive little blue box. Not so little, really, but small enough. I shoved it at Edward. “You keep it safe. And how did you know Judith’s ring size? And Josh’s address?”

He only smiled at me. “I have my ways, Anita.”

I gave a little chuckle. “Stalker.”


	9. 8

I made it home before dawn, something that definitely upped the night in my experience. It was even better because Dolph and company had the break they needed. The break that they really needed if I understood Tammy right. The last raising had answered the question of what demon was being raised for the murders. A nasty piece of work, but on the plus side Tammy had blocked the sorcerer from being able to call said demon again.

Bigger plus, she’d managed to set up a spell (and I had no idea she was as talented as she was) that would trigger an alert to her specifically and pinpoint the exact location of said sorcerer. And with Dolph having the ability to deploy officers across the city… The man would be in custody before nightfall. Or woman. They still didn’t know that.

But, either way, they had it covered and I wasn’t being called in to work the case. Go me. And, thank god, I was off until after Christmas. Finally, a little mini-vacation. True, I was working Edward’s case, but according to him I was his back up. In a gun toting ass kicking way only, so I didn’t have to worry about sleuthing.

Nope. The only thing I was thinking about as I quietly unlocked the door and tiptoed into the darkness was grabbing a shower and cutting my stitches out.

Of course it would have been easier if I hadn’t tripped over the Nathaniel leopard.

“Again?” I asked in exasperation as he flashed green eyes up at me and gave a massive kitty yawn. If a leopard could actually look sheepish, I’d swear Nathaniel gave me that look. “He’s not going to kill you, Nathaniel,” I said as I knelt and scratched into the rich, vanilla scented fur behind his ears.

Nathaniel only rumbled a purr and snuggled his head against my chest. I laughed quietly and snuggled against him for a moment before I pushed him back. He sat on his haunches and looked at me quizzically.

“Twenty questions, okay?” He nodded and I sighed. “Do you keep shifting because you’re scared?”

He gave a violent shake of his head and I sighed again. “Okay. So you’re not afraid of Edward killing you. And I know it’s not too close to the moon, we have weeks yet. Do you know why you keep shifting?”

He gave me a long feline nod before stretching and curling himself back up behind the door in a ball of cloudy fur. I heard him chuff a few times and then a long pink tongue came out and swiped his muzzle.

“So you’re not going to tell me?” I asked, amused. He cracked open a green eye and I saw his muzzle peel back in a kitty smile. “Okay, you’re not going to let me guess. Got it. Stress?” I asked anyway.

He yawned again and closed his eyes. I stroked down his side one last time before climbing to my feet and moving quietly through the house to my bedroom. Most of the doors were closed, which was a normal thing. But mine and the guest room were both open. Mine being open was quite normal. Nathaniel liked to do his heavy cleaning in the middle of the night when I wasn’t there.

But I wasn’t prepared for the guest room to be open. Edward was sleeping in there and I knew him well enough to know he’d keep the door closed. Unless maybe he felt comfortable enough not to… He’d slept with his door closed when I’d stayed with him in Santa Fe. But was that because of me being in the house? Or because Olaf and Bernardo had been there?

Oh, well, maybe he didn’t feel that safe, I thought as I peeked through the door into the dim room and saw Edward sprawled fully dressed across the bed. His head wasn’t on the pillow, his Beretta was, and there was a sawed off shotgun that looked familiar propped against the wall next to the bed.

He’d broken into my gun safe and stolen my shotgun out. My gun safe that was in my closet. My closet that was in my room.

No wonder he knew everything there was to know about me and anyone related to me.

Stalker.

I pressed my hand to my mouth to keep quiet as laughter threatened to bubble up in my throat. He really did look adorable the way he was laying. Well, if you took out the artillery. He was wearing jeans and a white shirt, and he looked like he’d just collapsed back. Maybe he’d been waiting for me.

Maybe not.

I shoved those thoughts out of my head as I crept down the hall as quietly as I could. The least I could do was try not to wake him up from a sound sleep. Especially when I was already planning on hijacking him later for another round of what do you want for Christmas questions. It wouldn’t really matter what he said, because I knew he’d keep saying nothing. But I had to get him something.

I spent the entire shower, all forty-seven minutes of it, trying to think about what to get Edward for Christmas. As a matter of fact, it was still the foremost thing in my mind when I walked out of my bathroom and into my room wearing nothing but a loosely wrapped towel and rubbing at my hair to find a very awake Edward lounging on my bed with a book in hand.

I did the only thing I could in that situation. I shrieked like a little girl.

He glanced up at me, amused as I held the towel I’d been drying my hair with to my chest. “What are you doing here?” I asked, and glanced at the open door as I heard a faint growling purr from down the hall. But there was no scrape of claws, so Nathaniel was fairly sure I was in no danger.

Yeah, right. Unless he knew something I didn’t know, I was going to have some serious payback for him later.

“I am reading a book. What does it look like?” he asked as he folded over a corner of the page, and I noticed that the page, nay, the entire book, was fairly well dog-eared already.

“You’re sadistic,” I muttered as I shoved his legs off of my nightshirt and underwear. I crumpled the latter up in my hand and shoved it under the shirt as I stalked back to the bathroom, intent on damaging Edward later. He could be involved in the round of payback for Nathaniel.

I could have Nathaniel curled up on Edward’s bed in the little Christmas thong. Oh yes, now _that_ was a brilliant idea.

I closed the door firmly behind me but didn’t bother locking it. Edward was far too handy with his little picks, and I was sure that he could have it open before I even knew what he was doing. So I figured I could save him the trouble. I finished toweling my hair into a mostly damp state, but not soaking wet, before piling it up at the back of my head and securing it with a bunch of clips.

Then I carefully dried off and pulled my underwear on before wiping a hand over the still steamy mirror. Some of the stitches would be easy to get out. But by and far the ones up the back of my arm and down my shoulder blade were going to be devils to remove.

I started with the mostly healed bit on my forearm, carefully sliding the scissors under the threads and snipping, the grabbing the knotted side and tugging it out. It didn’t hurt, but it did kind of tickle. There were seventeen there. They’d been careful, I think because of the scarring I already had. Whatever the reason, I appreciated it because I was left with a very thin and well healed white scar. It was barely noticeable.

I’d managed six of the stitches on the back of my arm when I heard a knock at the door and Edward saying, “Are you done yet? We need to talk about the case, I got a break.” The scissors slipped and I yelped as the little points sank into my skin.

Then I yelped again as the door swung open and cold air rushed in. “Edward!” I shrieked as I grabbed my damp towel up and pressed it to my chest. My face was burning and I could see that Edward was nonplussed. “Out, out!” I demanded as I shoved him out.

I slammed the door closed and leaned against it. “Anita, you’re bleeding,” I heard him say through the door.

“You made me stab myself. Bastard.”

There was silence for a moment. “Do you need help?” he asked.

“No,” I shot back as I dabbed at the blood with the towel. “I’m perfectly fine. I routinely stab myself with scissors, just so you know.” The sarcasm was hard in my voice and I distinctly hear him chuckling.

“You know, I could take those stitches out for you. You’ll need help with the ones on your back, anyway,” he offered.

“I’m not going to be naked in front of you, Edward,” I replied.

“I’ve already seen it,” he said dryly.

“Oh, god,” I muttered as I pressed a hand to my face. Then I started laughing. “This is nuts. You should not be in my room.”

“And you should let me help.” The doorknob jiggled and I grabbed it before it could turn. “Anita, I’m not coming in. I’m handing you your robe.”

“Oh,” I said and dropped my hand. The door creaked open a few inches and I saw his hand slide through the crack, my white cotton robe in it. “Thanks,” I said softly as I pulled it on and tied it secretly at my waist.

I took a breath and opened the door, picking up the scissors and stepping out. “I’ll let you help if you pretend that you didn’t see.”

“And if I don’t want to pretend?” I stared up at him, mouth hanging open as his eyes danced merrily.

“I know how to do lobotomies.”

“Right,” he said smoothly. “I’ve never seen you unclothed before. Let’s get those stitches out.”

I muffled a laugh as I let him steer me to the bed and sit me down on. “You don’t have to mock me,” he muttered as I pulled my arm out of one sleeve and let the back drop down to show him the stitches. “I’m sorry,” he said as he carefully dabbed at the puncture on the back of my arm with a bit of the robe.

“You should be,” I muttered as I glanced back. “Blood and white clothes don’t mix.”

We were quiet after that, for a long time as he carefully cut and pulled each stitch out. I took the opportunity to glance at the book he’d left in the middle of the bed. _Ender’s Game_ , by Orson Scott Card. Not one I’d ever read, but it looked like Edward had read the book to death and back.

“I know you keep saying I have plenty of money, Edward, but why don’t you replace that book?” I asked, breaking the silence as the room started to lighten with the rising of the sun.

“I can’t ever remember to,” he said as he pulled another stitch out.

“You don’t ever forget anything, Edward.”

Another one was pulled and I twitched as it made me want to laugh. “Stay still,” he said and I felt the cool metal of the scissors again. “I don’t get to read so much anymore. Never comes to mind to replace the books I’ve got.”

“Oh,” was all I said and tried desperately to not grin like a loon. If I could get him out of my hair for half an hour I’d have the chance to get him something really great fro Christmas. That, and I’d learned something new about Edward. Oh joy.

The sun was completely up by the time he was finished, and there was a neat pile of black threads on the bed beside me when he finally put the scissors down and lifted the robe back up over my shoulder.

“Sixty-four,” he said as his fingers trailed down my back. I shivered a little and he pulled his hand away. “You get some sleep. I’ll brief you later, okay?”

I glanced back at him and nodded, not trusting myself to say anything right then. I was terribly afraid I’d ask him not to go, and that wasn’t something I was entirely comfortable with. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship because I had a moment of weakness and gave in to my hormones. Better if I didn’t say anything. Right.

Of course, I could still get him a really great present for Christmas, I thought as he closed the door behind him. I scooped up the stitches and dumped them into the garbage before grabbing the phone and making the call.

 

I was up at one exactly. I’d set the alarm and was dressed and drinking coffee quietly at the kitchen table by one fifteen. Edward wasn’t anywhere to be found, and Nathaniel was finally back in human form. He was collapsed on the couch and passed out from the shift. I doubted I’d be hearing from him before evening at the earliest.

I’d had two cups and read most of the paper before I heard a slamming car door out front, and moments later the front door was opening and Edward was strolling in, trailing snow everywhere. “It’s snowing,” he said as he saw me looking at him from the doorway, and I only nodded.

He closed the door behind him and locked it, then stripped off two jackets and a hat. It was really snowing, I realized as he snapped the classifieds from my hands and spread them underneath his dripping clothes.

“Blizzard?” I asked, and he shook his head.

“Just a storm. You don’t work tonight?”

I shook my head. “I’m off until the 28th.”

“Good, because I’ve tracked the son of a bitch down.” I raised an eyebrow at his cursing, but he didn’t notice. “I think we can get him to come out by setting him up. Your buddies have been pretty open, most everybody I talked to yesterday that knows you was thrilled that you’re dating me.

“Oh, bother,” I said as I sank back down at the table and picked up my coffee. “You like meddling with my life, don’t you?”

He smiled rakishly. “What can I say? I’ve got charm.”

“You’ve got issues,” I corrected and grabbed another piece of the paper. The comics, this time. “So, set up?”

“Mmm,” he said and I looked up to see him watching me. “Set up. By now he’ll have heard we’re involved, and be fairly sure it’s serious the way people are talking.”

“People are talking?” I asked from behind the paper. “Why are people talking?”

“I have no idea,” he deadpanned. “But they are, and it’s a help here. Can you ask Jean-Claude to let us use the Circus after hours tonight?”

“You want to do it tonight?”

“Better tonight than tomorrow. Tomorrow you’re supposed to be having dinner with your family. Tomorrow is Christmas eve.”

“Stalker,” I muttered as I finished my coffee. I heard him get up and moments later he was pouring me another cup. Oh yes, I decided as I glanced up at him with a half smile, I could really get used to this. I closed off that line of thought resolutely. “The Circus is closed this week. It doesn’t open until after New Year’s. Vacation time for everyone,” I said by way of explanation.

“Great. Then I’m going to head back out and spread the disinformation.”

“You do that,” I said, and kept my eyes glued to the paper as I waited for him to leave. A few minutes later I heard the door open, then close, and then the telltale clatter of metal on metal as he flipped the deadbolt from outside.

He probably had my key copied.

Stalker, I thought with a faint smile.


	10. 9

I spent the rest of the day doing horrible little Christmas things. So I didn’t put up a Christmas tree until the day before Christmas Eve. Sue me. But it was a pleasant way to spend the rest of the afternoon. Decorating it, and wrapping up the various things that had been delivered. I smiled as I surveyed the damage. There were several dozen little wrapped things under the tree, and it glowed nicely with the lights and glass ornaments I’d used.

It was a nice effect, even if I hated wrapping. But it was for Edward. He’d appreciate it, I’m sure. I hoped he would, because I’d pt a lot of thought into the gifts. Very last minute, sure, but it’d gotten done. And I hadn’t even had to leave the house. It’s amazing what a credit card and a huge tip can do.

I even managed to get Nathaniel off the couch and into his bed. It required a lot of back breaking lifting on my part, and much cursing, too. He woke up for a moment as I tried to slide him into his bed, but I think that was only because I dropped him half on and half off of it.

His eyes cracked open as I slapped at his thigh, demanding he wake up and get in the bed. “Help me out, Nathaniel,” I demanded. Then I growled at him as I saw him smiling. “I am _not_ trying to top you, damn it.”

“I know, my queen,” he murmured as he crawled up into the bed. “He’d kill me if I asked you again.”

And like that he was out again, and I was left to mull over his little comment. Who’d kill him? I’d have to talk to Richard and Jean-Claude about that. If one of them had threatened Nathaniel they’d answer to me. I wouldn’t kill them, but I might maim whichever one had done it.

But I’d save that for after Christmas, and especially after tonight. I didn’t want to rock the boat when Jean-Claude was giving me full run of the upper levels of the Circus and promising me some back up. Especially since I’d waited until today to explain to him and Richard I wasn’t planning on spending Christmas with either of them.

I think that had softened the blow a lot. Neither of them could blame the other, so there wasn’t the resentment that would have built if I’d picked on over the other. Men. Boys, really, to be fighting over me like I was a bone. Animals. I laughed at that, and shook my head.

The hose was clean and decorated. Dinner was cooked. Sort of. Dinner was nuked, but that worked for me. Presents were ready, and all that was left was for me to change. So what if I wouldn’t let myself make an actual play for Edward? I could still dress nice and enjoy the thought that he might look.

But not too nicely. Comfort over fashion.

I ended up wearing soft blue jeans and a dark green sweater with snowflakes knit in at the wrists and the waist. It was festive enough for me, and I’d be warm even after we headed for the Circus. I didn’t think it’d be a good idea to let him know I’d changed just for him. So I’d picked out something that would be serviceable later when it was time to play bait.

I was curled up on the couch with a fire going, and reading the December edition of Animator’s Journal when I heard the door open. I glanced up and smiled when I saw him standing there. Oh god, I could really get used to this.

He shrugged off his jacket and hung it up, then dropped his hat on another hook before coming into the living room and dropping on to the love seat. He toed his shoes off and smiled up at me. “You’ve been busy. Ghost of Christmas present, huh?” he said, and I laughed.

“I said I’d show you what Christmas is about. So I’m doing it a little early,” I said with a shrug.

“And what is it exactly?” he asked.

“Food, family, friends. Things like that.”

“Food?” Not that he was sounding too hopeful, but I guess whoever said the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach was absolutely right.

“Food, yes,” I said. “In the kitchen.”

It was good to spend money on things that are appreciated, and I think we talked more about mundane things than we’d even done before while we sat there and ate. I think he was beginning to understand what I meant, just a little bit. He laughed a lot, smiled more. Those two things made me happier than I’d been in a while.

Edward deserved a little bit of happiness.

I shooed him into the living room as I cheated and dumped all the dishes into the dishwasher with barely a rinse off. That’s what the machine was for, and by god it was going to do what I’d bought it for. He was sitting by the tree poking at all the presents when I came in.

“There’s no names on any of these,” he said as he looked up at me. “How do you keep track of which one is for whom?”

I smiled and dropped down onto the couch. “Those are all for the same person. The rest of my Christmas list has already been passed out, except for my family. But those are at their house under that tree.”

“Oh,” was all he said, and I watched him for a minute as the firelight danced off his hair making it a warm burnished gold.

“They’re all for you,” I said softly after a moment and laughed when he glanced up at me in surprise. “Go ahead and open them. Just in case,” I finished.

“Don’t jinx us, Anita,” he said, and I bit back a curse as I saw the shadow that slid across his face like water. He was remembering them, I was sure, and I mentally kicked myself for reminding him of the family he’d lost.

“Start with the one in blue, okay?” I said, and watched as he reached for it slowly.

“I told you that you didn’t have to get me anything,” he said as his fingers nimbly plucked at the tape and unwound the wrapping paper.

“I know,” I replied. “But I wanted to, and that’s something different.”

The look on his face as he dropped the paper was priceless. It was one of those Kodak moments, or maybe one of those priceless things those Visa commercials keep going on and on about. He looked like a little kid on Christmas who’d gotten the puppy he’d wanted. He looked like a grown man who couldn’t believe that someone had actually given him something he might enjoy.

Not that he didn’t enjoy his weapons.

But the smile he gave me as he held on to six copies of _Ender’s Game_ was enough to make me make a mental note. _I’m going to find out when his birthday is,_ I told myself, _And I’m going to get him a signed copy of that book._

“I’d ask how you knew,” he began, “but I already know.”

I only smiled at him, heart in my throat. As he opened each of the packages under the tree, and each time I knew that I’d done something good, something that would make him happy. Because each gift was two copies of a book. One to replace the one’s he’d probably already read out, and one to replace that one. I’d gotten a hold of every Orson Scott Card book, and had given Jason free license to compare those books to other things, and to grab anything that he thought a Card fan would read.

He’d done really good, I decided as Edward even took the time to open some of the books up and scan the first page or two. Jason was getting a trip to the Bahamas. Oh yes he was.

“You like it?” I asked after he’d unwrapped all of them. The paper was neatly piled under the tree, and the books were in towering stacks on the coffee table.

“I like it,” he said with a smile. “I haven’t actually gotten real Christmas presents in a long time.”

“I’m glad you do.” After a few minutes of silence I added, “This is what it’s about, you know.”

He looked up at me. “It’s not the receiving, right? It’s the giving.”

“Something like that.” I shifted on the couch, glanced up the clock and knew there wasn’t much time left before we had to leave. It was nearly ten already. “It’s about spending the time with the people you care about. Making them happy. Things like that.”

He looked at me for a really long time, and I stared back, not wanting to take back anything I’d just said, but not daring say anything more. I jerked up as a loud thump came from the back of the house, and the moment was broken as we realized Nathaniel was up.

I sighed. At least I’d managed to give Edward a real Christmas. He’d even said so. “We’d probably better go,” I said softly as I stood up.

“We should go,” he agreed, and I brushed past him, trying not to notice the way his fingers seemed to catch at my sweater.

It was going to be a long night.

 

The Circus of the Damned was rather creepy in the first place, but the way it echoed tonight was really driving me out of my skin. We were at the center ring, a familiar and skin crawling place, sitting up in the bleachers. I could remember vividly the last time I had set foot inside this place; I’d died. In fact, the only reason I was still alive was because of Edward and his well versed CPR.

“Stop scowling,” Edward said as he passed me a glass.

I took it and glared. “I can’t help it. This place brings back some fairly fucked up memories.”

“You lived through it, so stop scowling. And no glaring either.” With that he tilted his glass to mine and clinked them together.

“Easy for you to say,” I said as I sipped at the grape juice in my glass. It was supposed to resemble wine, but I’d drawn my foot at drinking on the job. I didn’t drink much in the first place and even one glass might be enough to make me unsteady in my aim.

Edward was drinking grape juice, too. So at least I’d given a valid argument and not an excuse to completely separate myself from the set up coziness. We were snuggled up at the midway point in the bleachers with a wine bottle, two glasses, and a candle. The candle was kind of silly since the lights were up in the ring, but if you were expecting to see someone romanced well, looks can be everything.

“How do you do this so easily?” I asked him as we sat there. “How do you just calmly maintain a character through everything?”

He laughed quietly. “Sometimes the easiest thing in the world is to maintain a character. You’ve done it before, with Bernardo.”

I flushed at that one. “I didn’t do such a good job with that,” I said quickly. “And I’d rather not think about it, if you don’t mind.”

“You’ve really been celibate, haven’t you?” he asked, surprised.

I shot him a little glare out of the corner of my eye. “I’m not discussing my sex life with you, Edward. You tell me how to be a better actor. Actress,” I amended, “Since I have boobs.”

“Alright,” he said without a fight. “I’d be willing to bet that you do it already. You just don’t realize it.”

“Ha ha, Edward. What are we betting? Because I suck at acting,” I said as he poured me more of the fake wine. He’d really gone all out to set this up, I thought, because the grape juice had been in a wine bottle. I wouldn’t have thought of that. Well, probably not.

“You don’t get along with Judith.”

“And we’ve already established that, though that nifty little gift should get her off my back for a few weeks.”

He chuckled. “Why don’t you get along with Judith?”

“She doesn’t approve of my taste in boyfriends,” I answered, not sure exactly where he was going with this. For some reason I was beginning to think that this was just a different way of pumping me for information.

“We have something in common, then,” he said and I shot him a new glare. At this rate I’d be glaring all night. “And how do you handle it when she presses you about it? Tries to set you up, tells you about some ‘nice young man’ she met somewhere, anything that’s negative about your current relationships?”

“Usually it goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t really pay attention to it. I just act like I do.”

“And there you have it,” he said with a flourish of sloshing wine glass.

I laughed. “Okay, so you had a point. My apologies for doubting you.”

“Does she really try to set you up with people?” he asked out of nowhere.

“All the time,” I responded, my voice as dry as the desert.

“You’re really not dating them?” he asked, and I shot a look at him wondering why he was heading back to that line of questioning.

“I’m really not,” I said carefully.

“Why?”

Oh, and that was the question, wasn’t it? I thought about it for a few minutes while Edward’s watch ticked more, and wondered why this was taking so long. This wasn’t something I really wanted to discuss with Edward, but for some reason I couldn’t’ bring myself to try lying. Whether from conscience or the fact that I was doubtful that I could lie to him successfully, I don’t know. I just didn’t want to.

“It was something that happened in Santa Fe,” I finally said, but didn’t offer to explain it.

He was quiet for a little bit, and I began to think I’d gotten him off my back. But no such luck. A glance at his wrist confirmed that he’d been thinking for half an hour, and I sighed as he asked, “What happened?”

“A couple of things, I guess,” I said quietly. “Ramirez started it. He’s a hopeless romantic, I think,” and Edward nodded his head in agreement, an amused smile plastered across his face. “He kept at me saying that if I couldn’t choose between the two of them, then maybe neither of them was the one.” I shrugged. “Hopeless romantic crap.”

“Did he drag up that thing about his grandmother?”

“Yeah, he did, and I’m not even asking why you heard that one. There was that, and there was you and Bernardo,” I continued, and I watched the blank mask seep across his face at his name, and cement there at Bernardo’s. “You and your goddamned uncomplicated fuck, and Bernardo walking around like he’s god’s gift to women.”

“You slept with him,” Edward said, and I knew he wasn’t asking, he was assuming.

“No, I didn’t,” I shot at him. “I… I thought about it. But I couldn’t. I don’t just do sex, it’s not that easy for me.” I sighed.

“So what exactly is it you’re looking for, then?” he asked carefully.

I glanced over at him and shrugged, stretching and rotating my neck to pop it. “I don’t know. A nice, normal guy? Except anyone like that would end up dead, given my life.” I settled back against the bleachers as Edward shifted, and I looked over at him.

I could just say it. Could just tell him I was looking for him, at least a little. Looking at him, more like it. But that might not be such a good idea, and I knew it. Maybe he was interested, the more it crawled through my mind the more I was sure that he was at least lonely. But that wasn’t something I could base a mutual attraction on.

“I’d at least like someone human,” I finally said, not sure what else to say.

“I do know one human who wants you the way you are, Anita,” Edward said after a few minutes in a very quiet voice. He shrugged. “He’s just another kind of monster, but he’s a human monster.”

A human monster. My face fell. “Olaf? I thought you told me not to date him.” Which he had. In fact, if I recalled, he’d told me to kill him. Without provocation, too.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. “Changed your mind about that?”

“Hell, no,” he replied without hesitation. “I still think you should kill him the second you see him.”

Then he smiled at me, and it was very odd. It wasn’t like any of the smiles we’d shared earlier in the evening, and nothing like the grins he’d shot me as he’d opened the bundles of books. It was almost strained, and maybe a little eager and hesitant at the same time. “I wasn’t talking about Olaf, Anita.”

“Okay, then who?”

“Me.”


	11. 10

My eyes went wide, a little out of shock, and a little out of… I don’t know. Excitement, maybe. I’d definitely seen past Death in the last few days, and my mind shot back to how we’d sat at the kitchen table like normal people. Or as normal as we ever got. And how it had been nice, just the two of us in front of the fire and Christmas tree.

“You?” I asked, and my voice was steady. Brownie points for me. I watched him, trying to figure out if this was some new game of Edward's, maybe something that just happened to be triggered by Donna’s death and the fact that he was alone again.

But then his smile started to fade and I watched as some light went out of his eyes. “Not much, I know. But yeah, me.”

And I just sat there, completely dumbfounded. I wondered how long he’d felt this way, thinking back to that day in Santa Fe when we’d told the other how we’d never thought romantically of one another.

And the conclusion I came to was that he’d been lying to me.

Somehow, the thought that he’d actually lied to me didn’t bother me so much. He hadn’t said anything until I was… receptive to the idea, I guess. And I was. Receptive, I mean. Edward stood up, I think intending to leave, and I heard a muttered, “Sorry,” and then, I think, something about bad idea. But I stopped him from leaving.

“We agreed, didn’t we, that our lives would be a lot easier if we could love each other,” I said, my hand on his arm, his back still to me. “I think we were right,” I said, softer. I slid my hand down his arm until I was just brushing his palm with mine. “Maybe… maybe we should see how much easier.”

Edward turned to me, his eyes still a bit distant.

I plunged ahead. “But you were wrong about one thing, Edward. I don’t need an uncomplicated fuck.” I paused, thinking on what I was going to say. “I think, maybe, that I just needed you.”

“Me?” he said. The dumbfounded look I had worn a few minutes ago had found a new home, right smack in the middle of Edward's face.

I nodded, still wondering a bit on what I was doing, how I’d promised myself I wouldn’t fuck up this friendship. But it _felt_ right. So I ignored myself. “You.”

I stepped closer to him, our bodies almost touching, but not quite. Maybe a sheet of paper would have fit between us, but I don’t think so. I looked up at him and realized for the first time that I didn’t have to crane my neck back to meet his eyes. Just a little tilt was enough, and perhaps just a bit more to touch my lips to his. Very softly, very gently. Almost experimentally.

He pulled back, eyes a bit wide. Then he smiled. It was so incredible to see the change on his face. And he kissed my forehead. Yet another bit of proof how well he’d lied to me that day. Because I can remember him kissing my forehead while I was in the hospital.

I smiled up at him, and he smiled back. And for a moment we could forget why we were sitting here in the Circus on the night before Christmas Eve. Forget what we were waiting for. He said my name, and paused for a moment.

And never got the chance to finish his sentence. Because all hell broke loose in the Circus of the Damned as we stood there.

 

I should have expected it, and I called myself all kinds of a fool for not anticipating. This shifter wasn’t stupid. No, they were smart, very smart, and they’d have had access to all kinds of weapons while impersonating me and anyone else who had struck their fancy.

It was an explosion, a grenade I think, and it tore down half of the bleachers on the other side of the ring before I had more than a moment to blink at it.

Edward pushed me behind him on instinct and I fell back into the seat as the old plastic hit the back of my knees. Edward was in front of me, body bent over mine, shielding me from flying debris. And when it cleared and the smoke began to drift away from the wreckage, Edward stepped into the ring and strode firmly to the center of it.

I looked from one to the other and back again, and I felt Edward’s hands tighten at my wrists where’d he grabbed me to protect me. “Holy fuck,” I breathed as I realized that I didn’t have a way of telling which one was the Edward I knew.

And I thought back over the last few days. How did I know that the Edward I’d been kissing minutes ago was my Edward? How did I know the Edward I’d been spending time with was _my_ Edward? I nearly laughed as I realized I was thinking about him as if he were mine, but I bit it off as I jerked my hands out of his and scrambled back, over the seats and a row up the bleachers.

“Anita,” he said pleadingly. And it was echoed by the double in the ring.

I shook my head. “Which one is you?”

The one in the ring stretched a hand out to me, but the one who was standing mere feet away from only smiled a little. “Soul mates,” he said, and the fear that had rushed through me was gone.

It hadn’t been a mistake, a set up, and I drew the Browning and took aim at him. The Edward in the ring smiled and I smiled back, then shifted the gun to him, it, and began firing rapidly. I know at least two slugs hit him, but in a vague flash of magic it was suddenly Donna kneeling there, and there was no blood to be seen.

“Help me!” she called to Edward, and he answered it with more fire of his own.

There was another flash and it was Edward again, racing back through the damaged bleachers and ducking behind them. I reached a hand to Edward as we began moving down slowly, and we both stopped dead when the overhead lights flashed out. 

Almost immediately the back p lights switched on, but they were splotchy at best, and left a lot to shadow. We split up with a mutual hand signal and headed around either side of the bleachers. I was wondering where the back up was when I ran into Edward almost literally, his hand shooting out and grabbing mine at the gun. I opened my mouth to ask him if he’d seen the shifter when I realized he wasn’t wearing what he’d been wearing when we’d left the hose earlier.

“Here! It’s here!” I yelled as I kicked out, trying to get it down on the ground before it could completely disarm me.

I took it behind the knees and there was movement from the shadows next to me. A vampire that I didn’t recognize moved out and helped, getting a grip on the shifter while I yanked my wrist and gun from its grasp. Then there was a gasp from the vampire as the shifter morphed into Jean-Claude and gave it such a look of haughty indifference that it let go and hustled a few feet back.

He looked like he was about to drop to his knees and beg forgiveness when the fake Jean-Claude’s hand reached out and wrapped around his neck, squeezing and snapping at bones. The vampire dropped bonelessly and the shifter became Becca, and smiled sweetly at me before moving back into the shadows.

I crept through the shadows and through a puddle of light in the direction it had disappeared and then I heard the staccato fire of Edward’s gun, and a strangled shot of pain. I moved forward more quickly and came across a body. A regular shifter, one of Jean-Claude’s people, this one unconscious.

I looked around and my eyes lit on a hand peeking into another pool of light, and I crawled to it, wincing as I realized it was Edward. It was his clothes, and he was bleeding from his arm and chest. Somehow the damned thing had gotten a gun and shot him.

And then it hit me, my hands stilling and my entire body tensing as I realized that when the creature had shifted into Jean-Claude, into Becca, it had been form perfect. Right down to the clothes.

I looked down at the body and realized that it was looking back at me. I screamed and scrambled back, pulling the Browning up and firing shots as the fake Edward scuttled into shadow where I couldn’t see it anymore. I was crouching there when it came back, and without a thought I fired at it.

I scored a stomach shot and it dropped to its knees, one hand clamped to the spreading bloodstain and the other catching it as it fell forward. And dropped the gun that was clutched tightly in its hand.

My heart stilled and then gave a painful lurch. “Oh my god,” I breathed. It wasn’t the shifter. The shifter didn’t have a gun. Edward had a gun, that gun, and I’d shot him. Oh god.

He collapsed to the ground and I crawled toward him, the Browning forgotten behind me and my hands quickly coated in the slick red blood as I pressed them to his side. Oh god, it was bad, it was really bad, the blood was so thick and so dark. I’d hit something important, probably his liver, and his eyes were closed.

“Help me,” I whispered, one hand moving to his forehead and leaving a smear of blood as I silently begged him to open his eyes. “Help me,” I said again, and this time it was a scream that echoed though the empty, echoing darkness.

I watched as his eyes slipped open a bit, and he looked at me without really focusing. I yanked my sweater off and pressed it to the wound, hoping that it would help step the flow of blood. It helped, I think, but in the back of my mind I knew that it probably wasn’t doing much of anything. It was just a thicker wad of fabric to soak up his life as it seeped out of him.

And through all of it Edward didn’t move, didn’t make a sound. Like he couldn’t feel it, and I knew he was dying. “Somebody help me,” I cried, “Please,” I whispered as his eyes slipped back closed.

I know it wasn’t very long before someone was there, but it felt like hours as he slipped away from me by inches. I know it wasn’t much longer than that when the lights went back up, and I closed my eyes against the growing puddle of blood I knelt in. and it was only a little bit more before they were wrenching him away from me, strapping him to a stretcher and rushing him out.

I couldn’t go, they wouldn’t let me, they told me to have someone bring me.

Like they knew he was coding and wouldn’t make it to the hospital. They just didn’t want a hysterical woman in there with them as he died. I scrubbed at my cheeks with sticky bloodstained hands and then wrapped my arms around myself, finally noticing how cold I was.

That was an easy explanation. My sweater was in a bloodstained pile a dozen feet away and I was standing there in jeans and a bra. I shivered again and a vampire I didn’t know brought me a jacket. Or rather, she pulled it off herself and wrapped it around me as I stood there wondering if I’d see Edward alive again.

“They have the shifter. What do you want us to do with it?” she asked quietly when the ambulance’s sirens had faded enough that I couldn’t hear them.

“Where?” I asked, my voice as cold as the air that surrounded us.

I followed her through the Circus and to the door that led to the lower levels. We went down the stairs and I had a creeping feeling that I was going to be following her into the coffin room Nikolaus had kept. We didn’t go that far, though. The shifter was being held by both arms in the center of Jean-Claude’s living room, and he was dancing attendance casually dressed in black pants and one of his infamous poofy shirts, in white.

It had taken Edward’s form, and I watched it as it looked up at me, blood dripping down the side of its face. “Anita, tell them they’ve got the wrong one.”

“I don’t think so,” I said quietly.

“Soul mates, Anita,” it whispered, and I closed my eyes.

“Why soul mates?” I asked. I already knew it wasn’t Edward, but I wanted it to know that I knew. And it didn’t answer. “You don’t know the answer because you’re not him.”

It watched me with empty eyes and I lashed out with a clenched fist, laying into the side of its face and taking great satisfaction in the way the full power of the blow knocked it from the hands that held it. It dropped to the floor dazed and the vampires around us scrambled to grab it again, only stopping at a casual and decidedly foppish wave of Jean-Claude’s hand.

I met his deep, deep blue eyes from across the room, and he gave me a small smile, knowing and accepting. Without looking away and moved to the shifter and, looking down now, whipped its head back with a carefully placed kick. This time the fake Edward’s eyes slid closed, and a shimmering shift revealed an unconscious and mousy looking little man.

I looked back up at Jean-Claude. “I’ll decide what to do with him after I find out about Edward.”

He only nodded.


	12. 11

There was nothing I could do once I got to the hospital. They took one look at me and threatened to admit me if I didn’t go home. Being infamous in the medical field was a bad thing sometimes. It led to threats like that and the immediate readiness to attempt to prevent AMA discharges. At least when it came to me.

I did manage to stay long enough to talk to the team working on Edward. Sort of. I spoke to one doctor and several nurses, and the same response came from every last one of them. Pitying eyes.

It hurt, seeing them show me that pity. I’d already known he was dying. I’d known it at the Circus as I’d tried to futilely stop his blood from pouring out of his body, and I’d known it even more when they’d refused to take me along in the ambulance. The fact that he’d survived the ride was nothing short of a miracle, and they told me so.

“He’s in surgery, Ms. Blake,” the doctor told me as I begged for anything they knew.

“He’s going to die, isn’t he?” I asked weakly as I leaned against a wall. There wasn’t an answer for a long time, and I felt the tears well up hot and burning in my eyes.

A hand grabbed my arm and I looked at the doctor’s dark eyes. “There is a chance. The bullet is lodged in his liver,” and I choked back a sob as he said that. I’d known, damn it I had _known_. “There’s a lot of damage, and too much blood loss for me to be comfortable with.”

“You’ll try, right? Money isn’t an option. I have plenty to spare,” I murmured as I rubbed my cheeks.

“We are trying, but Mr. Forrester has a living will. It depends on how he comes out of surgery.”

“Honest chances. What are they?” I asked, closing my eyes so I couldn’t’ see how he looked at me.

He dropped his hand from my arm and I took a breath. “I wouldn’t give him better than a thirty percent chance tight now.”

“Thirty,” I repeated softly.

He cleared his throat. “Of course you won’t tell anyone I spoke with you.” I shook my head as he continued. “In lieu of next of kin...”

“He doesn’t have any,” I said weakly, and I felt arms supporting me on either side. I opened bleary eyes to see Jean-Claude to my left and Richard to my right. “You didn’t have to come,” I said.

“We did,” Richard said as he let me lean against him. Turning to the doctor he said, “We’re going to take her home and make sure she rests. We appreciate you talking to her; it’ll help her rest easier to know.”

“I can’t go home,” I protested, and Richard only tightened his grip on me as Jean-Claude cleared a path in front of us through the crowded emergency room.

“You can, you will, and you’ll sleep. If you don’t I’ll call Lillian and have her sedate you,” he said evenly.

“I don’t want to sleep; I don’t want to go home. I want to stay here!”

“Anita,” Jean-Claude said sharply. “You can do nothing for him and he would not thank you, nor us, if you took ill from this evening’s business.”

“We understand,” Richard said as he lifted me easily and slid into the waiting limo with me. Jean-Claude’s, I knew, and I tried to pull away. “We understand, Anita, and you have to trust that it’ll be okay. Now we’ll take you home, you’ll rest, and you can come back in the morning.”

“It’s already morning,” I murmured as I let my head drop back against the seat.

“Not quite,” Jean-Claude said silkily as the limo began to move. And between their reassurances that all would be well, and the quiet hum of tires on the road, I fell asleep.

 

I woke to sunlight, and the clock said that it was afternoon. The house was quiet and empty except for Richard sleeping on the couch. He slept restlessly and I knew that he was my guard. Probably to make sure I didn’t try and sneak out, but two could play at that game. I was a grown woman and if I wanted to leave I sure as hell would.

So I headed back for my bedroom and closed the door behind me, flipping the little lock as I headed for the bathroom, stripping off my clothes and turning the water on. I needed a shower anyway, but the rinse off I took was so quick that I think the soap barely had time to touch my body before it was sluicing down the drain.

And when I got out I left the water running.

I dried off and dressed quickly, toweling my hair thoroughly as I saw it was snowing again outside the window. Then I dug under my bed and pulled out the lock box that was hidden there behind photo albums, old shoes and empty ammo clips. The key was taped underneath a drawer in my dresser and I retrieved it and unlocked the box.

Inside was a second set of keys to the house and my jeep. Luckily we’d taken Edward’s rental to the Circus the night before, and I slid the window open as quietly as I could, wincing every time it made a noise that I could hear over the rush of the shower. But Richard never tried to break the door down, and there wasn’t even an experimental jiggle to the handle either.

So I climbed out and pulled the window closed before jogging around to the front of the house, grimacing as wet snow soaked my jeans up to the knees and slipped down the back of my sweatshirt. I was freezing by the time I made it to the Jeep and got inside, closing the door and locking it. I cranked it and was backing out of the drive within moments, waiting until I was blocks away before turning the heat on and cranking it up.

Cold air rushed out and made me shiver violently until it started to warm up. And by that time there was no point to it anymore; the hospital was in sight and I was taking the ramp into the parking garage to search for a space. I was relieved that it was my Jeep—I had my little hanging tag that let me park in the ‘Reserved for Police’ spots, and I found one on the second level, parking and jumping out and racing for the stairs.

The elevators were too slow and I didn’t want to wait for one.

I headed straight for the information desk on the ground floor and flashed my badge and ID as demanded to know what room Ted Forrester was in. and all I got was a perplexed look as the old man ran the search through the computer.

“We don’t have anyone registered under that name,” he said with a shake of his head.

I felt myself go pale. “Could you check again? Forrester, with two R’s. please,” I finished, knowing my voice bordered on desperate and hysterical.

He did it and shook his head again. “I’m sorry. There’s still no one listed.”

I backed away, shoving my badge into my jeans and headed for the ER at a dead run. I didn’t see any familiar faces and knew that there’d had to have been a shift change since I’d left Edward the night before. I found my way to the check in area and was practically in tears by the time I got someone’s attention.

“A man was brought in last night, bullet in the abdomen. Where is he?” I asked not caring if I sounded as desperate as I was. Appearance meant nothing right now. I had to know what happened, had to know where he was. “He’s not listed as a patient; was he transferred somewhere? Please?”

That was desperate. I was standing in the best trauma center in the state. I already knew he hadn’t been transferred, it was just hysterical hope. Desperate hope. Pitiful, undying, unending hope. _Please._

The nurse took pity on me and tapped a search into the computer. “Ted Forrester, right?” she asked, and I nodded. “He was transferred up to ICU this morning after surgery.”

“He made it through?”

She nodded, and I thanked her, sprinting back to the elevator banks by the hospital’s entrance and pressing the up arrow relentlessly until the doors slid open. I knew where ICU was, I’d been a guest there a few times before. And I was relieved to see a familiar face as I pushed through the doors and headed straight for the nurse’s station there.

The on duty nurse was a man I’d woken up to more than once and he smiled as he looked up and saw me. “Anita, you’re not a patient!”

I laughed a little and felt some of the fear slip away as I did. “Nope, not in myself. I’m looking for someone, he’d have been brought up this morning.”

“What’s his name? We had three in before nine,” he said, and the fear slipped away a little more.

“Ted Forrester,” I said as I he typed it in. “Thanks, Tony. I really appreciate this.”

I didn’t appreciate it so much when he looked up at me with an oddly unreadable expression plastered on his face. “Anita, he’s not a patient anymore.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as the world began to spin around me.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything else. He has no listed next of kin and I know you’re not family.”

My eyes locked with his and I tried desperately not to beg.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’d lose my job.”

“I understand,” I whispered as I staggered back to the doors and through them to the elevator. But I didn’t wait for it, only fled down the stairs and back through the halls to the parking garage. And when I found my jeep I locked myself in it and cried.

Next of kin. I’m not next of kin. He’d died, and I hadn’t been there, and god damn it I should have been there. I knew that Richard and Jean-Claude were only looking out for me, and that Edward wouldn’t begrudge them that if he were alive. But he wasn’t and… And I couldn’t’ work up the will to be angry with them.

They had been right. I couldn’t argue with that. But I knew exactly who I could take this out on. I cranked the Jeep on and squealed out heading straight for the Circus of the Damned.

 

I have always been a big believer in revenge, and maybe it was wrong of me. But I’ve never really cared about that so much before. I’ve done enough things that I’m not proud of, that I’m ashamed of and wouldn’t want to tell anyone, much less face God when the time comes to accept the consequences of my actions.

But even knowing that cold blooded murder, which I’m not exactly a stranger to, would land me in hell, I couldn’t shake the conviction of the action.

Even if the son of a bitch would be executed swiftly once turned over to the police, there just wasn’t the same satisfaction as in doing it myself. And I wanted that satisfaction. Needed it, really. For myself, and for Edward. But mostly for myself, if I were to be honest.

Edward was dead. He wouldn’t give a damn anymore.

“Fuck,” I cursed as I came to a stop in the parking lot of the Circus. It was Christmas Eve. Just fuck. I was supposed to be with my family. I could have been with Edward. Fuck.

I stormed out of the Jeep and into the Circus, pounding on the door to the lower levels like the angel of death himself. It creaked open and I shoved past Jason without a word as I descended to the lower levels. And a phone. Revenge would have to wait long enough for me to make my apologies to my family.

It was a short phone call that I refused to let go on for very long as Judith tried to cajole me into dropping whatever my plans for. “I’m sorry, Judith, I can’t. It has to do with a case; I’ll be along in the next few days.” I softened my voice on purpose, trying to force the cold hard edge out of it. “Go ahead and do the presents without me.”

“Is everything alright?” she asked, and I blinked suddenly against the tears.

“No,” I said in a strangled whisper. “No, but I’m going to do my best to fix it as well as I can.”

I hung up before she could say anything else and turned to find Jean-Claude behind me. “I need a gun. Any gun. I left home without mine.”

“I know, _ma petite._ Richard called an hour ago to tell me you had slipped out,” he said silkily as he produced a gun in his hand and handed it to me. It was my Browning that I had left behind the night before.

“Where is it?” I asked, and Jean-Claude inclined his head towards the hall that led to the coffin room and the dungeon that the Circus boasted quietly. “Thank you,” I whispered and headed into the darkness.

I stopped before I’d made it too far and stared down at the Browning. I turned around and headed back out to the living area and laid the gun down on the mantle underneath Jean-Claude’s portrait of him, Asher and Julianna. Next to the mantle on either side were sets of crossed swords. Real swords, on occasion he and Asher would fence with them, even though they weren’t rapiers.

I grabbed one off the wall and stalked back down the hall past the coffin room, which was empty of even coffins, and into the dungeon where the creature was chained to the floor. It was symbolic, and I wondered if that was why the iron rings had been drilled into the floor when the room had been designed. It made sense, it forced the prisoner to kneel. Very symbolic.

He was looking at me out of mousy brown eyes when I stopped in the doorway. Then he shifted into Edward’s form, and I set my jaw in anger. “He’s dead because of you. Why shouldn’t I kill you?” I asked coldly.

His response was to shift into me, and I met my own cold brown eyes without flinching. “If you cut me, do I not bleed?” I asked quietly. It didn’t respond and I swung the sword in my hand out in a smooth and shining arc.

In the next moment the shifter’s head, his true head, was rolling along the floor and his corpse had collapsed from its knees to the side, blood pouring out of the severed stump where his head should have been. Blood dripped from the blade of the sword and a curving spray decorated the stone behind the body and head where it had flung itself from the blade with the force of its motion.

“I guess you do bleed after all,” I said into the silence and dropped the sword.

Then I turned on my heel and went to Jean-Claude’s room, locking the door behind me and crying myself to sleep.


	13. 12

I woke up to fingers soft and gentle on my face and the wishing of a heavy furred tail at my legs. I cracked my eyes open and saw Edward leaning over me, clear blue eyes tired but bright, and turned my head to see Nathaniel in the fur lounging on the far side of the bed. Nathaniel. Edward. Oh my god.

I shot upright and grabbed on to Edward, holding on to him and feeling a pulse under my hands where I held him at the wrists. “You’re alive,” I said stupidly.

“I’m alive,” he said, and then I cut him off by pressing my lips to his and kissing him like there was no tomorrow. And maybe there wasn’t, because I had to be dreaming for him to be alive, except I didn’t really care right then.

All that mattered was that he was warm and alive and his lips felt so good against mine. I was crying again, and I felt his thumbs sliding across my cheeks, wiping away the slickness of the tears and ordering me not to cry, he wasn’t dead, and he wasn’t going to die. At least not for a while, and I clung to him.

It was Edward. It really was Edward. But it wasn’t, I realized as I looked up into his eyes. It wasn’t the Edward I knew, and I shifted to look at Nathaniel where he watched me with knowing cat eyes, back to Edward who was carefully watching me, tense and ready to spring up if need be.

“You were dying,” I whispered, hesitant to loose my power and have it tell me what I was beginning to suspect. I glanced at Nathaniel again, and then back to Edward as the bed shifted and he stood.

As he stood with the fluid grace that only a were had.

“I was,” he said as he paced to the wall and leaned against it, perfectly balanced, even more perfectly than he was normally. “And now I’m not.”

“You’re not human anymore, are you?” I asked as my hand slid over to Nathaniel and stroked through the thick fur of his back.

“You tell me,” he answered quietly.

I reached out with my power and felt his beast roll through it like hot velvet. I closed my eyes and pushed into it, identifying it as leopard. My eyes shot open and I looked at Nathaniel. My hand had stilled on his fur and he curled towards me, head laying down on my leg and kitty eyes gazing up at me.

“You’re a wereleopard now. How?” I asked, surprisingly calm.

“I was dying. Too much damage to my liver,” he said slowly. “Nathaniel gave me a choice. Die as a human and lose my chance with you, or live as a leopard and pray.”

I didn’t ask why he’d have to pray. I knew that one at least. Edward was afraid I’d reject him because he’d let himself be infected. “If I say no?” I asked.

His eyes bore into mine as he answered. “I either learn to live with it, or I negate the infection.”

“You mean you’d kill yourself.”

He nodded.

“You did this for me?”

He shook his head. “For you. For me. For us.”

I pushed Nathaniel’s head of me gently and stood, not matching what Edward had done unconsciously even without a first shift, but moving smoothly enough that I wasn’t concerned about the differences. I reached a hand out to Edward and grabbed on to him as I came even with him, and leaned into his body, rising on my toes and pressing my mouth to his, letting lips collide and tongues mingle as he wrapped his hands around me.

When I pulled back I gazed up at him. “Soul mates, Edward,” I whispered, and he smiled at me.

 

Edward as a leopard was a truly frightening thing. Beautiful, but frightening. Within a matter of months he’d managed to use his hard learned discipline and self control to harness the nuances of being a were, and the power he had at his disposal rivaled Richard’s. That was a thought that made me smile. While I might have been a suitable Nimir-Ra for the pard, Edward took it over and became the embodiment of Nimir-Raj.

It was good for them, and for us. It gave him an inkling of how I’d managed to become tangled up with the monsters over the years. He finally understood that sometimes they were just people. A different kind of people, maybe, but people nonetheless. And he definitely took to Nathaniel.

But he refused to let Nathaniel sleep anywhere near me, even in leopard form.

No, he reserved the right to sleep in my bed for himself, no matter what form he was in.

Jean-Claude and Richard weren’t happy, but they were satisfied that I wasn’t going to change my mind about Edward or them. I can’t honestly say that they moved on, but I know that Richard is actively looking for a new lupa for the pack, and that Jean-Claude has resumed his relationship with Asher.

In absence of me, they were making lives of their own that were outside the sphere of our magical influence. It relieved me and let me sleep in more peace than I’d expected.

So it wasn’t a surprise when six months later my life had evened out enough that I was happy. Really and truly happy, and Edward was as close to it as he ever got. He smiled more, laughed more, and if he didn’t exactly trust the pard without a thought, he at least knew that they were a kind of family.

And when he showed up to an empty house on the sixth of June, he was completely surprised, since I generally had a houseful of leopards this close to the full moon.

“You’re up to something,” he said as he slid down next to me on the couch. “What?”

“Oh, nothing much. But I wasn’t sharing you with anyone on your birthday,” I answered in an almost sing song voice.

His face went immediately blank, and he stared. “How’d you find that out?”

I smiled widely. “I have my ways.” I laughed. “Besides, it was my turn to stalk you. Here,” I said as I shoved a wrapped gift at him. “Open it. Now.”

He raised an eyebrow and ran a finger under the edges of the paper, lifting tape and peeling it back. He crumpled the paper and handed it to me as he broke the tape on the box and opened it. And I smiled hugely at the shock on his face. Almost reverently he lifted out the slightly worn first edition hardback of _Ender’s Game_ , carefully running a finger over the dust jacket.

“Open it,” I said, and he did. His mouth hung open as he realized that it was signed by Orson Scott Card, and the satisfaction from the Christmas books was surpassed as he looked up at me, eye wide and bright blue. “You like it?” I asked, even though the answer was written across his face.

“I love it,” he said softly. “It’s really great. It’s amazing.”

I smiled as he looked back at it, flipping into it a few pages and realizing that it was a first edition. His fingers traced the numbers that identified it softly. “I’m glad you like it. Edward?”

“Yeah?” he said, looking back at me.

“I love you,” I said softly.

His eyes went a little wider, and a corner of his mouth quirked up. We hadn’t said it in all the months we’d been together. Hadn’t even really hinted at it. We’d just been for a while. But I had to tell him, had to say it, if only to see what he’d do knowing that I loved him.

I smiled at him and glanced back down at the book. “Anita?” he said, and I looked back up. “I love you, too.”

“Now, about your ways,” he said with a wicked smile. “What will it take to find them out?”

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Wild sexual favors, Edward.”

“That, I can do.”


End file.
